A Timeless Baby Story

"The Strong One" by Clint Black

2010-11-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't the post I've been trying to write for the last 3 months. I'm not quite there yet.

But look at these lyrics. Story of my life.

When God made woman I wonder sometimes
If it was a flower he had in mind when he made her
A touch as gentle as a butterfly
A kiss so sweet it could stop time forever
God gave man a chance to be the kind of strength a woman needs
He was suppose to be the one to carry that load

CHORUS:But there she goes
Baby in her arms
World on her shoulders when her day starts
Working a job that don't pay much
but she thanks God it's enough
There she ison her own two feet
He walked outbut she's still got dreams
Trys to laugh when she feels like crying
Nobody'd blame her if she stopped trying
But she's got a heart that gives and gives
Now you tell me who the strong one is

Tonight's the first night in a while
She'll put on her makeup wearing a smile
She's going out
And everything was all planned out
but the fever that the baby's got now
It's all shot down
She gives up what she wants to do for what she has to
That's what a momma does
She'll be there like she always is
when the sun comes up

CHORUSAnd there she goes
Baby in her arms
World on her shoulders when her day starts
Working a job that don't pay much
but she thanks God it's enough
There she ison her own two feet
He walked outbut she's still got dreams
Trys to laugh when she feels like crying
Nobody'd blame her if she stopped trying
But she's got a heart that gives and gives
So you tell me who the strong one is
And there she is on her own two feet
He walked out but she's still got dreams
Trys to laugh when she feels like crying
Nobody'd blame her if she stopped trying
But she got a heart that gives and gives
So you tell me who the strong one is
You tell me who the strong one is

SO much to do!

2010-07-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

I am an organizational freak. Seriously. I look forward to Christmas mostly because it means I will be acquiring the next year's calendar and planner. I search multiple office supply stores before the start of every new semester, because if I don't have a different colored highlighter for every class my whole system is shot.

I'm a freak. I know. It's fine. Because everytime I'm out and about with Adelyn, I am completely confident that I have everything she needs because I packed my diaper bag the night before. If I miss an assignment, it was a conscious decision- I didn't just "forget". I don't like things sneaking up on me. I don't like surprises. I am a control freak and I like it.

However, I have the whole weekend off. No finals until next week. No work until Monday afternoon. Laundry is done. Everything is unpacked. These are my last days off before I leave for surgery, so one thing is for sure... it's time for a weekend of fun!

I love to make to-do lists even when I don't have anything to do. I like the feeling of accomplishment as I check off each item. Here is my list for the weekend:
- Go to the pool
- Take pictures of Adelyn playing in the sun
- Work on my tan
- Go out and enjoy my last Saturday night for a while
- Walk to the park with my big girl
- Skype date with Justine and Keegan
- Get house "kyle ready"- stocked with food, breakables removed, dedicated area for him to throw his belongings, etc.
- Possibly host a brunch on Sunday

The Engagement

2010-07-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

2 football seasons, 4 baseball seasons, 1 baby, and more than a year of seperation later... Kyle asked me to marry him :-) I couldn't be happier. It was such a fairytale proposal. Well, ok. Not every girl wants to be proposed to at a Red Sox game... but Boston being my favorite city, and the Sox being my favorite team makes this my dream come true! Here's how it happened...

We got into Boston at 10:30 on Sunday morning. Walked around for a bit, and eventually made our way to Fenway for the Red Sox vs. Rangers game. Fenway is incredible. As it's the oldest ballpark in America, you can feel the energy and history as you walk in. Actually, all of the streets surrounding it were closed off for gameday festivities... so you didn't even have to be inside to feel how special it was.

After buying matching Red Sox shirts, we found our GREAT seats right on the 3rd baseline. Magically, Kyle's teammate Derek was seated in the same section with his dad. So we chatted with them for a while and took some pics. It was seriously the coolest place I've ever been.

It was like 90 degrees out, bright sun and 100% humidity. Needless to say, we bought like 10 $4 bottles of water. I am still sunburnt. Oh well.

In the middle of the 6th inning, Derek came and asked to borrow my camera so he could take some pictures of the bullpen. This is when Kyle got up to stretch his legs.

And then he got down on one knee...

Just as this popped up on the big HUGE readerboard...

And he showed me the ring...

And I nodded and stuck my left hand out. Eventually I was able to say "yes"... but it took me a while to catch my breath.

So Derek was actually taking pictures of the whole thing. Because EVERYONE knew what was happening except me. Even the owner of his team was involved... he hooked Kyle up with the readerboard guy.

We spent the rest of our trip in Boston being in looove. And acting like tourists. It was a weekend I'll always remember. I'm not exactly sure how to put the rest into words because feeling this special is hard to discribe. Someday I'll figure it out. It'll probably be in the form of a novel.

The very best part? Kyle is a Yankees fan.

I'm Obsessed With My Life

2010-07-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days, ok weeks, where you have a million things to do and it seems like there's no way you'll get it all done and you just know you'll be a huge bitch all week while you stress and run around like a chicken with your head cut off?
Welcome to my life.

But here are the great parts:
1. I had a 1500 page paper due for my English class on Tuesday. I procrastinated, as usual, this time because I originally picked a topic I wasn't all that thrilled about and by the time I realized I could switch topics I was in the "might-as-well-get-it-all-done-in-one-day" phase. WTF?! Yeah... Turns out, I'm still a college student deep down. Craaap. So I tweeted about it. (Hello, twits! Follow me!) And my beautiful, smart, high school saluditorian, bored-at-work, friend Janey came to my rescue! She literally found me sources, emailed me a 4 page outline, AND babysat Adelyn for 2 hours while I finished up my paper at the Lame*brary.

2. Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary at work! And while my boss didn't bring me any balloons like he was supposed to (Yes Shawn... YOU!!), I still love my job to pieces and wouldn't trade it for anything- nope, not even Dutch Bros. It is a great business, run by honest and good people who hired me when I was 6 months pregnant and have stuck by my side through maternity leave and now this scary brain thing. And, uhm, I make a killer coffee so come on down to Sparkle Espresso and visit us and wash your car while your at it! (Hold on, am I getting paid extra for this?!)

3. The Fourth of July was absolutely amazing. Even though the weather was kinda bad, we had some family in town and Adelyn and I went up to GG and Gpa's house to BBQ and light off fireworks with them. It was a really great time. There's nothing like family, but we were definitely missing Kyle all day :-( He didn't get to watch any fireworks so I sent him a video message of some that we watched at the country club. One more year. I can do anything for one more year.

4. Speaking of family, I have been lucky enough to be adopted as an "Ezzell", theoretically. Becoming best friends with Justine in 4th grade was probably the greatest thing that could've ever happened to me. Not only do they love me, but they love Adelyn too! And Kyle, well sorta. Justine doesn't, but he'll grow on her I think. We'll see :-)

Anyway. I'm having one of those moments where I just look in the mirror and feel like the luckiest girl in the world. My life is so blessed. I have a BEAUTIFUL, healthy baby girl. Supportive, fun friends. More family than I know what to do with. A boyfriend who told me today "I love you with all I am, have been, and will become" and whom I get to see in 3 days. AND on top of all of this, I am about to go to Boston- the city of my dreams since I was a little girl, with the man of my dreams!

OK OK I am getting sappy. But its my blog, afterall, so I can talk about my awesome life as much as I want. Brain surgery THAT! Mofo.

But before I forget, I feel like I should mention a little health update. My hands and feet have been tingling a lot lately. Its weird. I'm calling the doc tomorrow.

Goodnight, Moon!

*The Hayden library will now be referred to as the Lamebrary because it closes at 8 pm Monday-Thursday.

Target.

2010-07-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows how obsessed I am with the place. I got this email from a friend's mom today, and since I don't really do forwards I thought I'd post it on here. Enjoy!

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
After I retired, Pam insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, Pam is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Sanchez
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Sanchez, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called...
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels..
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15.. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

June, Two Thousand Ten.

2010-06-30T15:57:00.001-07:00

The Happenings:
- Jackson Ray Tanner was born to proud parents Tarah and Cory.
- Brain surgery appointment has been made for Aug. 4th.
- Kyle started playing baseball for the Newport Gulls.
- Adelyn started crawling like a champ.
- Justine and Kemer got married!
- I tried my first pilates class (and hated it)
- Booked a flight to Rhode Island.
- Cancelled flight to Rhode Island and decided to drive.
- Adelyn started pulling herself up onto things, and standing on her own.
- Booked another flight to Rhode Island.
- Had 2 girls' nights and went to 1 party.
- Brought Adelyn to the pool for the first time. (She LOVED it!)
- Worked, worked, worked.
- Kyle & I got interviewed by a reporter because of our "inspirational" story. (The story will run this weekend, I'll keep you updated.)
- I've been getting severe, monster headaches almost daily.
- Had a Skype date with Justine :-)
- Saw my dad a couple times.
- Started summer sesh.
- Watched WSU baseball come within 3 wins of Omaha.
- Had even more bonding time with my surrogate brother and sister, Hayden and Maddy.
- Helped my real little sis study for finals AND celebrate her 15th bday.
- Caitlin and Justine both turned 20 :-)

Next month's happenings:
* Sydney AND Justine will pop (because if they don't, they'll probably both shoot themselves)
* Chris, Adelyn and I will go visit Kyle in Rhode Island.
* Kyle will take me to a Red Sox game (if he values our relationship, and/or his health).
* Tarah and Jackson will come home (eeeeeeep!!!!)
* I will meet with a neurologist.
* Adelyn will start drinking from a sippy cup. She will, she will, she will.
* I will figure out how to throw a "I'm getting brain surgery but we're still partying" party, without sounding so morbid.
* Baby Rylee will turn 1.
* I'll finish my summer session.

And in response to Janey's blog, here are the top 5 things I want to do this summer:
1. Bring Adelyn to the East Coast for the first time.
2. Watch my boyfriend hit a home run (I'd take a double, with a couple stolen bases I guess)
3. See a Red Sox game
4. Spend some time with my family- in Hope, at the Pig Pickin', at the pool over the 4th, and in Seattle.
5. Get to know baby Jackson, and squeeze my new mommy friend Tarah!

But my summer is going by WAY too fast!
In 10 days, we leave for Rhode Island.
I'll be back on July 20th.
Then just 2 short weeks at home before my surgery.
And I'll have to spend the end of summer recovering- boo!

Geez.

2010-06-29T22:42:00.001-07:00

21 of my FB friends like "he was a ruh-tard".
Seriously?!
Time for me to get new friends.
Also.
Whattt is withhh peeeeeople talkkking liiiike thisss?!
Do you have a stutter?

Yep, it's been one of "those" days.
I blame it on Adelyn's teething.
And that extra Keppra dosage is making me
sleepy/grumpy.
But I've only had one seizure today!

Appointment with a new neurologist on Thursday.
Wish me luck!
Only 5 weeks until surgery...
35 days.

But on the positive side,
Chris, Adelyn and I are FLYING
to Providence, RI in 11 days.
Hooray!

Really though, I would've driven.
I'd do pretty much anything to see Kyle right now.

positive.

2010-06-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

1. My Keppra prescription went up from 500 to 750 mgs, so hopefully my seizures will stop completely :-)
2. Adelyn, GG Jill, and I found a new umbrella stroller AND high chair for under $50... gotta love Target!
3. I finally got around to filing all of my insurance paperwork and doctor's bills in my little color-coordinated file holder. I realize that I am a little ridiculous, but I like having things organized. Just in case.
4. Adelyn and I went for a walk with GG Jill and Gpa Lee after dinner. This would've been a lot more fun if my allergies won't so out of control.
5. It was my day off. Enough said :-)

Pre-Op Physical Clearance

2010-06-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

AJ and I both had appointments with our family doctor today. Her's was just a routine check up.
She is growing like a freshman on steroids.
17.7 lbs.
26 in. long
Completely healthy, happy, and perfect in every sense of the word.
(Except I think she might be getting her top teeth in, and is therefore constantly fussy- and driving me a little crazy. Wait, am I allowed to say that? Well it's true.)

My appointment was only slightly more exciting. I had to get a routine physical and an EKG. It was the first time since we found the AVM that the doctor actually had good things to say about my test results. Hooray for being healthy! (Uhm, minus that slight brain problem...)

I'll have some bloodwork done after our trip to Rhode Island, but then they aren't doing anything else until the surgery!

It stresses me out a little that I don't have to check into the hospital until the morning of the surgery. Check in is at 5:30 am, and the surgery will start at 7:40 am. No chance I'm sleeping that night.

Marriage

2010-06-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

It is so not in my (near) future.

Why?

Because I happen to be dating someone who is painfully rational. Its not that we aren't in love or don't want to be married, it's a hundred other things...

- Currently, we live 2700 miles apart. Even when the summer is over, we will still be living 100 miles apart. Living in the same STATE is not even an option for at least 13 months.

- We are both still in school- so getting married not only changes our FB status, but also our financial aide eligibility.

- I would really like to be able to drink at my wedding and/or bachelorette party. Legally.

- Our lives are still at a "transitional" phase until Kyle graduates or gets drafted.

- Speaking of graduating, my loving boyfriend doesn't have a job... as much as he loves to tell me that baseball and school ARE his job.

- We both just want to do it RIGHT. We'd like to get married for the right reasons, when the time is right, and have it all be perfect. I don't want people to think of it as a glorified prom; I want it to be real, and grown up, and a seriously good time.

This is not to say that the time isn't right for other people. One of my best friends, Tarah, was married almost 2 years ago to the love of her life. They recently brought a beautiful baby boy into the world together, and are an amazing family.

My other best friend, Justine, is getting married on Tuesday. They are also having a baby boy in less than 2 weeks. And I wish so badly that I could be there. I am leaving on my lunch to find her something old, new, borrowed, and blue to send just in time! And I have some serious guilt about not being able to throw her a proper bachelorette party. But seeing as she's 9 months preggo, she wouldn't be able to enjoy it like she's meant to anyway.

So there you go. Because I get asked constantly if Kyle and I are getting married soon, I usually just tell people we are engaged to save them the sob story. That is the plan. Eventually.

Ps. Funny story:

This weekend I went out with the girls to a party thrown by some people we went to high school with. Obviously everyone was asking me about Kyle (because people are weirdly obsessed with him), and to keep them from hitting on me, because I'm a babe, I switched the ring I was wearing to my ring finger and told everyone we were engaged. LOL. I got so many congratulations and everyone was so excited. Sorry about that. So I called Kyle the next morning and told him "I'm really sorry that everyone in CDA may or may not think that we are engaged." He just laughed and said, "Better than those creepers being all over you."

And that, my friends, is why we don't HAVE to get married right away. Even though it is the cool thing to do.

Father's Day 2010

2010-06-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are unaware (read: have been hiding under a rock and/or don't really care that much about the goings-on in my life), Kyle is in Newport, Rhode Island. He left last Friday and will be gone until August 3rd. Sad, right?

Not so much.

The league he is playing for (the New England Collegiate Baseball League) is kind of a big deal, and we were really excited when he was asked to play for them this summer.

That being said, yesterday was Kyle's first Father's Day. Since I found out I was pregnant, I have been buying cards just for that occasion. Adelyn and I ended up sending him 9 cards and 13 family pictures. He had the day off from baseball, and didn't have much to do except be sad that he wasn't home with his family.

When we found out I was pregnant, we knew that these next couple years would be hard. We didn't know that I'd get sick or that Kyle would be asked to play across the country for 2 months. So yep, it sure is hard on both of us. And some days its me that wonders if I can do it. Some days it's Kyle wondering if baseball's worth it. But luckily we have each other (holy cliche). When I have an off day he is there telling me how amazing I am and reminding me that I have plenty of help if I need it. And on days like yesterday, I try my best to tell him that our situation is only temporary and it IS worth it. Adelyn is so young, she probably won't even remember when it was just her and mommy most of the time. Like I've said a million times- a little seperation now sure as hell beats a lifetime spent wondering what might have been.

So this is my dedication to the love of my life, and Adelyn's Daddy. Everything I do, and everything he does, is for us... the family. He has really grown into a man I am proud of. Not just because he is smart, talented, and good-looking. But because he is a really great dad.

Also, a big thanks to Tony- Kyle's dad- for teaching him how to be so great.
And my dad and grandpas- because you've always been so generally awesome.

New Years Resolutions

2010-06-16T21:48:00.001-07:00

I can hardly remember mine. I know I blogged about them, but I'm too exhausted to scroll through my previous posts to find one and maybe link it for you. But if you are THAT bored, A. Go for it, and B. I'm sorry, your life sucks today.

I do know that for a while I was blogging 3 things that I was thankful for daily. On a day like today, when pretty much everything is knocking me on my butt, thinking about the bright spots in my day can really only help. When I think about it, there really is so much beauty in my life... I'm not sure how I get so sidetracked by little things like headaches and missing KJ and monetary stressors.

1. My dad came down from Sandpoint to watch Adelyn today. He reported that they had a great time, which makes me VERY happy! I think it is important for Adelyn to be in contact with as much family as she can. Our's might be big and crazy and just-this-side-of-redneck, but they love us and they are more than willing to do whatever they can to help us through this difficult time. We are blessed.

2. The short, but so sweet, nap I got/had to take at lunch. I have been more than exhausted lately because of these epilepsy pills and headaches, but MAN do I love me some sleep!!!

3. Adelyn and I surprised GGma and GGpa with a little treat (Frosties) after dinner. We sat up there and chatted with them for a while to wear AJ out for the night. When we got home she ate and went straight to sleep. Such a good baby! On this same note, GGma Jill also brought me a Jamba Juice and a sweet card to work this morning. It is nice when someone acknowledges the struggles I am facing and lets me know I'm not in this alone.

These things that I am thankful for are everyday occurances. Some people will read this and totally blow them off because they aren't extraordinary. But maybe someone will read this and think about the good in their day, even if it was as simple as a much-needed nap. There is beauty and grace all around us- you just have to keep your eyes open and let it find you.

Goodnight, moon.

true life: my boyfriend lives across the country

2010-06-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know. I was not cut out for the life of an every day blogger. Obvi. I apologize for leading you on.

It all started Wednesday, when Kyle came up to CDA from Pullman. I had just gotten off work and Adelyn and I met up with him and Tucker to watch Chris coach a baseball game in Post Falls. Watching someone coach= not as fun as it sounds. But hey, a baseball game's a baseball game. Following the game, Kyle and I put Adelyn to bed and headed over to the Combo's for a night of mostly male bonding- Sam was the only other girl there with me, but we had a great time.

Kyle got to spend all day with us on Thursday. We ran some errands in the morning and caught lunch with Tony and Dion before Kyle met up with his mom downtown while Adelyn and I snuck in a quick nap (can you say "run on sentence?"). For dinner, my mom made delish pork chops and garlic mashed 'tatoes- Kyle's favorite!

After putting Adelyn to bed, we headed back over to the Combo's. I ended up leaving a few hours before everyone else because of a bad headache. I've been getting those a lot lately- completely knock me on my butt, make me grumpy, Tylenol doesn't help, just take this baby while I take a nap- headaches. At least once a day. Inconvenient.

I brought Kyle to the airport Friday morning. We are getting good at saying goodbye now- after a year of practice. Tears weren't even shed. It'll be 5 weeks until I see him again, but probably 25 seconds until I get his next text.

He is obsessed with me.

Which I love :-) I'm not one to share relationship details with, umm, all 13 people that read this, but I will say this: the lightbulb has turned on. He finally realizes that Adelyn, him, and I are a family. It is the 3 of us together, in everything. When he comes home it isn't him trying to fit in time between us, his mom, his dad, his friends, and other people he wants to see. It's me, him, and Adelyn trying to fit in time to see everyone we want and also fit in some time to do things as a family. Needless to say, a day and a half isn't even CLOSE to enough time.

But I love him. And he loves me. And (you know you're all thinking it) we're a happy family.

And so now he's in Rhode Island. Suuuuuhweet. But on July 19th, Adelyn and I will be there too :-) Until then, I work my butt off at work to have some money saved up for my 6 week hiatus. I work my butt off in my summer classes so I will have one less thing to worry about. And I fill up my spare time with the other love of my life, miss AJ, and my friends and family to keep my mind off that man of mine who is on the other side of the country- getting into bars, hanging out on the beach, and making all kinds of new friends. Lucky duck.

Seattle Appointment

2010-06-08T13:37:00.001-07:00

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I was all kinds of bummed after the Cougs lost against Arkansas 7-2 in the final game of the Regional. It was a great season though. Kyle improved tremendously throughout the season, even after taking four weeks off for his injury. To say I’m proud of him would be the understatement of the century.

My appointment with Dr. Newell was Monday at 11:30. I went through TWO registration processes, and waited over an hour until the doctor finally saw us. They put me through a short series of tests- where I walked like a runway model and made jokes with the poor nurse who thought I was crazy. I think I passed them all anyway.

So let’s get down to business, shall we?

The AVM that is being removed is actually two that are tangled up together like a dumbell. And there are more forming, which is bad news. There is nothing that can be done to fix them right now because they are so small, but I will have to get MRIs on a regular basis to keep them monitored. Not the worst news in the world, I guess. Dr. Newell was also talking about possibly removing another part of the brain that deals with epilepsy. There is about a 70% chance that simply removing the AVM will stop my seizures, but he is going to consult with an epilepsy specialist just in case.

Luckily Dr. Newell isn’t going anywhere this summer so I was able to get the surgery date I wanted: August 4th. It’s a Wednesday. 3-5 days in the hospital and I’ll be home by Monday hopefully. He wouldn’t agree to come into town to do the surgery, as much as I tried to convince him that it would be way more fun that way, so it will take place at Swedish Cherry Hill in downtown Seattle. The recovery time is about 3 weeks- so I will be good to go for fall semester and returning to work by September!

Hopefully. But it is a pretty serious procedure. I mean, they are removing a chunk of my skull, and then putting it back together like all the king’s horses and all the king’s men- but with the help of some bright blue titanium plates.

I'm a little scared. But I have 57 days to worry, so I'm trying to space it out a little bit! I will still get to take Adelyn on our trip to Boston, which has been a dream of mine since I was little. I am SO excited for that. Kyle is leaving on Thursday or Friday, but he will be home with me for the surgery and to take care of Adelyn while I recover.

A day in the life of a JERSEY CHASER.

2010-06-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

This morning, I finally fit in some time at the gym. I'm really trying not to use this brain thing as an excuse to be a lazy bum- but between work, baby, summer term starting, and doctor's appointments it always seems to be something. I do take Adelyn for a walk once or twice a day though to make up for it; being in better shape could really only cut down my recovery time so that's what I'm going for.

Today we went up to Sandpoint to visit the Chubb side of the family (no... I'm not being rude. For those of you who honestly don't know this fun fact- my REAL, mother-given last name is Rolfe-Chubb. Just another reason for marrying a Johnson.) We spent the day with my dad, grandpa, and the littlest cousins. It was a really nice time- despite the pouring rain.

Then we came home and watched the Washington State vs. Kansas State baseball game on the computer. It was such a great game! I won't bore you with details because my announcing skills are subpar at best ("Kyle struck out because the ump doesn't know how to count to 3, but then got a great RBI single and ran SO FAST to score when DJ got hit next. What a stud muffin." "And then Cody the oompa loompa scored a two run bomb! He's little, but a dude. Fa Shooo." AnYway, we won! Go Cougs! So tomorrow they play in the winner's bracket against Arkansas at 5:05 pm Pacific time. If you are interested in watching, there is live video stream here.

Adelyn helped me cheer on Daddy!

That was pretty much our day. No complaints :-) I did have 2 seizures, one of which was pretty bad, but 2 is so much better than 8 or 10. They were both pretty early this morning- one at the gym and one while I was putting my makeup on.

Now it is 9:30 pm on Friday night and I am in bed- where I have been since 5. Adelyn is snoring, and I'm going to watch "In the Land of Women" because it is full of my FAVORITE kind of dry humor. If I can stay up, I'm also going to try to fit some Juno into my life.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Tonight... I am simply alone. And pretty content. Goodnight, moon.

daily update

2010-06-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Just a thought: Perhaps I should become a daily blogger? I'm not sure if that would make more people read it, or less- because God knows I don't have enough interesting things to write about every day. Just an idea. Perhaps I will try it out for a while.

Today... I didn't go to work. :-) Yay! Adelyn and I went for a 2 mile walk at 7 this morning, because she woke up early so I was trying to wear her out enough for us both to take a little nap. That blew up right in my face- she fell asleep halfway through the walk, and woke up as soon as we got home. Sigh. Grandma Chris picked Adelyn up at noon, and I went back to bed for three (3) hours. Then I cleaned and cooked some delish sweet and sour chicken for dinner.

Yeah. YUM.

Then we went for a walk to Aunt Julie's house to see her new puppy, Bella. Its a "Min-Pin", and looks just like a smaller, brown version of Tarah's dog Bentlee. Me? I'm not really an animal person. Especially not small dogs- like my mom's stupid weiner dogs. Whom I despise. Kyle seems to think we'll be getting a big dog, like a lab or something. That sounds fine. But really- I'm going to need a wedding ring AND a house before he's getting a dog.

How am I feeling? I get asked that dozens of times everyday. I feel GREAT. The seizures are down to about one a day, and I can't begin to tell you how much of a difference that is making in my life. The epilepsy meds kind of knock me on my butt, but it's worth it. I am kind of getting a headache right now though, so I'm off to bed.

After I grab some oreos. Goodnight, moon.

Piece of Cake.

2010-06-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things aren't always easy around here. Night time is the worst. After 10 hours at work and even more hours of "mommyhood", a fussy baby and a headache are enough to put me over the edge. More than anything, I wish that Kyle was here to help get the baby to sleep or to switch the laundry or pack the diaper bag for tomorrow or anything at all that could take a little bit of pressure off me. But he's not, and that's something we decided to do and now I have to live with it.

But a breakdown just really isn't convenient right now. I have already decided to take this thing head on, and there's no backing down now. I firmly believe that this is one of those defining moments in life, where grace and strength have the opportunity to make their presence known.

And its not like this is the worst thing in the world.

I have the backing of some seriously great people. I mean really, everyone says that they have the best friends ever, but let me ask you this: would your friends watch your baby for HOURS on their day off, for free, and love every second of it? Because mine do. How about if you found out you had to get brain surgery: would your friends still convince you to take part in Sunday Funday without asking "are you sure its ok?" or treating you like an invalid? Mine did. Do you have family that offers to get up in the middle of the night with your crying baby? Because my little sister told me she'd do that tonight and I about cried. I even had one great friend who offered to let me move in with her so she could be my full time nurse, LOL!

So yes, I do have moments where I am terrified, and lonely, and stressed out, and hurting pretty bad. But that's all to be expected- I'm only human. So I pray hard all day, everyday, that God will give me strength so I can get through this because there are people depending on me. And daily, he grants me that through the kind words and actions of the people in my life. I am so incredibly grateful for those things.

May, Two Thousand Ten.

2010-06-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

What's been going on over here:

* Adelyn started eating (and LIKING) baby food. Ok... we are still working on green beans, but she has finally warmed up to peas!
* MRI found a cavernoma in my huge, well-used brain.
* Grandma Jill turned 25, again.
* Sam and Janey also joined the 20's crowd.
* Kyle got his first collegiate double, AND his first multiple-hit college game.
* I learned how to use the fax machine at work.
* The Cougs were ranked as low as 20th in the nation, and were invited to Regionals for the second year in a row.
* Angiogram showed that the AVM isn't LIVE, which means there is no artery involvement. Still caused me to be on bedrest for a whole weekend.
* I celebrated my first Mother's Day.
* Adelyn started crawling- backwards. Weirdo.
* Went from 8 seizures/day to only 1 :-)
* Made an appointment to meet with the "family brain surgeon" to schedule surgery.
* Adelyn had her first few trips to the park.
* Successfully completed my fourth semester of college (wow!)
* Crazy drug-bust drama (that I am obviously not too involved in, but it did affect some folks relatively close to us.)
* Had THREE Sunday-Funday's in Pullman.
* Chopped 6 inches of my beautiful hair off.
* Got convinced by my wonderful boyfriend that I am really not in this alone.
* Starting being Tweet-Active.
* Still working (as we speak).
* Got over the post-partum depression scare. Funny how much better you feel when you aren't constantly seizing

And probably a million other really cool things that I forgot about, sorry.

I am looking forward to quite a few things in June, too. Here's some:
* Baby JT's arrival.
* Possible arrival of Justine & Sydney's babies as well.
* Taylor's 15th b-day.
* Starting summer term.
* Shipping Kyle off to Rhode Island (unless WSU keeps playing so well!)
* Rocking my new bikini from Target- stretchmarks included.

Waves

2010-05-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember the "waves" I have been having- where I get all dizzy and throw up? No? Oh right, I didn't blog about them. Well now I will!

They started in August, so I just blew them off as some sort of weird pregnancy thing. But then they kept coming, 6-12 times a day... EVERY DAY. Talk about debilitating, right? I have to pull off the road if I'm driving, run to the bathroom at work, put homework aside, hand Adelyn to someone else, leave my friends in the middle of a restaraunt or whatever. Incredibly inconvenient.

I am getting pretty "good" at them- I can feel them coming now, and can usually refrain from vomitting (I'm down to just two or three times a week!) and they feel exactly the same every time. The worst part? They make me depressed. Bad.

The good thing about them? They caused me to get my MRI.

Dr. Ganz said that because pregnant women have about twice as much blood as regular people, the extra pressure probably caused my AVM to bleed. There was definitely iron deposits surrounding the "lesion" in the MRI which means it has been bleeding without a doubt. So yeah, time to come out!

My "waves" are seizures. Seizures. OK.... that makes them a LOT more scary!! I prefer to just call them waves, or "episodes" if I'm talking to an adult LOL. Soooo... does that make me an epileptic? IDK. I mean, my mom has seizures, and she takes meds to control them. But hers are bad, grand mal ones. Mine are petite mal ones, just babies. But really. seizures. Thats a big friggin deal.

So Dr. Ganz put me on Keppra to control them. And I have to say- I didn't have ONE yesterday. And I'm not sure if it's the medicine, the lack-of-episodes, or my sunny disposition, but I have been in a GREAT mood. People think I'm weird.

Facts

2010-05-28T13:29:00.001-07:00

I met with the neurosurgeon (#1) yesterday.
Dr. Ganz.
He was a nice enough guy.

Until he referred me to
Dr. Newell
-the guy who did
my mom AND grandma's
surgeries.

Uhm. "Why?"
"well, it should
come out
really easily. But
its in a sensitive area
and he's more experienced."

"So it has to come out?"
"Oh yeah,
that's the only option."

My consultation with
Dr. Newell
is next Monday, 6/7.
He'll tell me when
we can schedule
my brain surgery.

I'm hoping for the beginning of August.
Because Kyle will be coming home,
and I'll still be able to take
my trip to Boston with AJ.

I have to cut my hair.
Off.
So I'm finally going to try
that cute A-line cut
that I've been to nervous to do.

I am feeling so much right now.
Obvi.
But I still believe I am blessed.
The good outweighs the bad,
by a longshot.

God has given me more than I need
to get through this,
and come out a better person:
mom, daughter, friend, soulmate.

Don't feel bad for me.
I am excited to take this on.

On the UNmommyhood side of things...

2010-05-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

How nice it is to spend a whole day feeling "content". Of course, my goal in life is to be happy- to make others happy. But when your in this stage of life where everything is a transition and you've got ups and downs comparable to Jon and Kate's marriage status, content is one heck of an accomplishment.

I'm trying to cut back on my control-freak-ness. Putting a solid effort into living each day to it's potential, and not worrying too much about what's next. It is a work in progress, but what's the inspirational quote about not having to see the whole staircase to take the first step? Or something? Roll with it.

Things I am accepting:
1. I may or may not be sick, real sick. That doesn't mean I can quit rocking at life. Sometimes it has to be your turn to be someone's hero. I have been slacking since I got the results from my MRI (10 days ago) and the people in my life deserve more from me than that, I should jump back on the horse and put the kabosh on the pity party. People depend on you, woman!

2. Kyle and I were meant to be together. But not right now. I mean obviously we are "together" as in dating. But we are apart far more than we are together. And that is how it is, how it has to be right now. There is no option. We are doing what's best for us-individually AND as a family. It's hard. The distance is putting a serious strain on the relationship. But if we can make it through this (which we have been doing for just over a year now), what could possibly build a stronger foundation for a future?

3. I am kind of a single mom right now. Scary. I have a lot of help from friends and family, but when it comes down to it- when AJ is sick, and refuses to sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time. . . it is me here comforting her. As with above, there is no option. AJ depends on me, but better yet she loves me and she knows me and she snuggles me and she smiles when she see's me and that makes me happy to my core. Does it make me sad that Kyle doesn't have that with her right now? Of course. But I believe there is plenty of time for that.

This is only the beginning. This is a small section of life. But it IS life. It is real, and it is not just a "transition". Get it girl.

Angiogram

2010-05-14T21:36:00.001-07:00

So I went in on Thursday morning for an angiogram. I was real nervous about it, because they cut open the artery in your groin and put a tube all the way up to your brain to take pics. No effin thanks. But I was sure to tell them how much of a pansy I am, and Howard- my 70 yr old male nurse whom I now call "Howie"- loaded me up with excellent painkillers so I don't remember much of anything. :-)

The test did do a little bit of good. As soon as it was over, they were able to tell me that what I have is NOT an AVM- its a Cavernous Malformation. The main difference is that an AVM includes veins AND an artery, but a "cavernoma" is only veins. That is good news. My mom had AVMs, my grandma and aunt had cavernomas.

We were also able to confirm that there is only one, which is good news. Its on the right side of the frontal lobe, unfortunately it is closer to the inside than the outside of the brain though. And it's pretty big- 3 cm by 1.5 cm. No plan of action until I can meet with the neurosurgeon on the 27th.

I have been in bed all day today- not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs or even climb stairs. How inconvenient! But I suppose reopening that artery would be a tad more inconvenient. My mom, gma, and Kyle's mom have been taking care of the baby for me. Not being able to take care of her is really getting to me. If Kyle was here I wouldn't feel so bad, but I hate to burden anyone just because I am kind of an invalid. Hopefully we'll get everything sorted out soon.

7 Month Update

2010-05-12T16:15:00.001-07:00

Holy Guacomole. Almost 7 months already?! My baby is getting big! But I've got to say, she is a lot more fun, now that she's not just sleeping and staring all the time. Here's what she is up to now:

*Her 2nd bottom tooth is coming in! We discovered the 1st one on the 16th of April. Now when she bites your finger it HURTS.

*She is eating baby food about once a day. She's tried peas, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, bananas, green beans, pears, and applesauce- with sweet potatoes and pears as her obvious favs. She's also taking 6 oz (instead of 4) bottles before naps and bedtime.

*Speaking of naps, she is down to 2 a day (Lord, please give me some sanity) one in the morning around ten and one in the afternoon ~3:30. She goes to bed by 8:30 every night and still wakes up once to eat at about 3. But really, I think she is just a loud sleeper and when she fusses a little bit at night it wakes me up so I feed her and she falls back asleep. If I couldn't hear her moaning and groaning I'm sure she'd go back to bed on her own. Damn being a light sleeper!

*She can sit up on her own, and even get from laying down to sitting up all by herself. She prefers to be in the sitting position when it is not exactly convenient- like when I'm trying to change her diaper or get her dressed. Miss Adelyn just likes to see what's going on!

* Still not much for crying, my punkin butt baby. I am thankful for that!

*She will entertain herself for about 10 minutes at a time with various toys. She is most commonly on her play mat, in her saucer, or in the swing. She's also pretty content just on the floor with blocks or the stupid frog that "ribbuts" every time you drop it. She finds this hilarious.

*Like everyone else, Adelyn thinks I am just hilarious! LOL. She laughs all the time, for no reason at all. And then seriously cracks up if you make a face or tickle her. She is the happiest baby on the block... and I don't care what you say about it!

*She will happily sit through a baseball game, fussing only a if she wants to get up to look around and let people admire her. She does great on the car ride down to Pullman, and absolutely loves seeing her daddy. She warms up to him really quick every time.

*Grandma Chris has been watching her 2-3 days a week while I work, but next semester she will be going to daycare part time since my school schedule will be tough. We'll see. MammaE, Grandma Jo, and GGma Jill also watch her when I can't. She is never lacking in the LOOOOOVE department!

Relatively Normal Weekend

2010-05-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Another Cougar Baseball weekend! I went town to Pullman on Thursday night after finding out about my AVM condition, needing some comfort from my boyfriend and definitely finding it. He had a pint of my favorite ice cream, thin mint cookies, and a group of friends waiting for me. It helped, and prevented a mental breakdown.

On Friday, Adelyn came down with Tony and Dion. Dion and I cleaned the boys' apartment so that I could make dinner that night. When the boys got home from practice we had spaghetti, caesar salad, garlic bread, and strawberry angel food cake (best girlfriend EVER). Then we went over to Tony & Dion's trailer and hung out there for most of the evening.

Adelyn and I had all of Saturday morning with Kyle since he didn't have to be at the field until 1:30. We slept in, had cake for breakfast, watched a movie, and went for a walk around campus. After we dropped Dad off with the team, Adelyn and I took our friend Mariah to the grocery store and got stuff for cupcakes. We went back to the apartment and proceeded to make 50 cupcakes for Connor Lambert's birthday (as team girlfriend, I got voted into doing that). Then we went to the game- Kyle didn't start, but he did come in during the 7th inning and hit a double :-) After the game, we did some tailgating at the trailer again. Kyle and I brought the baby home pretty early though because he was beat.

My family had the chance to come down on Sunday! Mom, Donna, Taylor, Ed, GGma Jill, GGpa Lee, Aunt Linda, and Jamie met up with us at the game. Kyle had QUITE the cheering section! He started, and had a hit and a reach. And some GREAT catches (he's playing right field for now because Derek Jones is injured). After the game we did some tailgating, then my family left and Kyle and I went out to dinner at the Angry Bear, which is freakin delish!

-Sunday was Mother's Day. Kyle got me some pretty flowers and a card, but my favorite part of the day was all of the texts I got from other moms and just random people. Motherhood is such an awesome thing, and its SO cool to be appreciated. I couldn't believe how many sweet texts I got. And its not like on your birthday, when you get tons of texts because everyone's FB alerts them that it's your birthday. These people thought about ME, and took the time to show their gratitude. Thank yoU!!!!

And today, Kyle left early in the AM for his game. He got 2 hits today. What a stud. They had to leave right after the game for Portland thought :-( We said our goodbyes and I took off.

I have been feeling alright, health wise. Its always better when I'm down there with Kyle and not as stressed out. I had lots of my stupid "waves" though, especially today. Boo. Annnyway, now that this is a freakin novel... I'm off to bed. Gotta get my blood drawn tomorrow for that stupid test. Good thing I'm an ADULT who doesn't need to freak out about needles. Or something...

Not So Fun Update

2010-05-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

Remember when I hinted at a little medical dilemma here? Well, I finally went to the doctor for it. Everything HAS NOT been figured out, and we are at the very beginning of what looks like a long journey to get it resolved...

Those close with my family will know what I mean when I say this: they found one of my mom/aunt/grandma's weird brain things in my head during my MRI yesterday. For those of you who don't, its called an arteriovenous malformation (AVM)... and you can find more information on it here.

My doctor called yesterday while I was at work, and told me (in a scary, grave voice) that I do in fact have one. On the right side. She doesn't know much about it, so I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon to get more information.

I also have to get more bloodwork done, and an angiogram on Thursday.

My biggest concern: how am I supposed to handle this- on top of being the sole provider and caregiver of a vivacious (almost) 7- month- old, managing an espresso stand, and going to school full time? I was pretty sure my plate was full, but I guess its all in God's plan.

I will update as soon as I know anything else, but that is literally everything I have been told thus far.

Reasons to Love Being a Mom

2010-05-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

As soon as I clicked "Publish Post" on that last blog I opened up my "American Baby" magazine (to the last page, because I read magazine's backwards) and this was the article. It brightened my dreary day a little bit, so I thought I'd type it up and maybe it'll help someone else out too.

1. You recieice a reception worth of the next American Idol even though you'd only left the room for a minute to get more wipes.
2. There's no better exercise program than chasing a toddler through a good-size mall-- except maybe chasing two of them.
3. When was the last time a grown-up hugged you simply for buying cookies?
4. You can't very well put videos of your husband dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" on YouTube. But the baby? Upload away!
5. Babies don't accidentally butt-call your cell phone, and they never hog the remote.
6. Nothing's sexier than a man holding a baby- except for a man changing a diaper.
7. The 100th reading of Goodnight Moon is every bit as good as the first.
8. You no longer look quite as silly dressing up for Halloween. In fact, not dressing up might make you odd mom out.
9. You've got a built-in excuse for RSVP'ing "no" whenever you feel like it.
10. Somebody loves you no matter what you're wearing (strained peas on your shirt), what you're doing (prepping yet another birthday party), or how long it's been since you've showered (Uh, Tuesday? Nah, Monday!)
11. Naptime.
12. Alarm clocks are more appealing when they're wearing footie pajamas.

Things that kinda suck.

2010-05-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

1. Having to withdraw from a really hard Econ class this semester, with hopes of taking it in the traditional class format next semester and doing REALLY, REALLY well.
2. Post partum depression ( actually, I'm sure any kind of depression kinda sucks... but this is my first time ever being depressed, aside from the I'm-15-and-everyone's-out-to-get-me stage I went through )
3. Kyle only having 2 more home series before he has to (get's to?) leave for Rhode Island for two months.
4. An MRI scheduled for Thursday morning.
5. Teething.
6. Getting way shorter layers than I bargained for at my last haircut.
7. Spring showers.

an Ode to Mental Health

2010-04-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

OK... and physical health, too. Some sort of throat thing has been going on in our house the last week or so. It hurts worse in the morning, and I'm thinking it may have something to do with my seasonal allergies. By no means is it anything I'd have to call in sick to work for.

But I did.

Technically, since I'm the boss, it was more like I "gave" my best morning shift of the week to another girl who keeps asking for the hours. So I escaped the guilt on that one.

That didn't last long.
Auntie Janey usually watched AJ while I work on Thursdays, so I told her about my sore throat and work dilemma thinking maybe she'd still want to watch the munchkin for a couple hours so I could catch a nap. I dropped her off at about 9. And picked her up at 4:30 pm.

I'm not sure if it's just me being paranoid, or if its a normal thing for new moms, but I don't really like to be away from Adelyn unless I have something to do which I absolutely cannot bring her. It feels like such a waste to use valuable babysitting hours doing something for me.

Janey told me not to worry, because it wasn't like babysitting hours were going to waste- she WANTED to hang out with her, and Adelyn needs to see her aunties. Oh God, what have I done to deserve such wonderful friends? That cut back a nice hunk of my guilt, and I spent the day doing this:

watching "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" (which I give only one thumb up)
napping
eating- A LOT
attempting an econ test (which I'd rather not talk about, sigh)

So now I'm feeling very recharged, like I can handle anything! What a great feeling to have, but ask me again tomorrow morning after I get Adelyn and I up and out of the house by 5:30 am.

But... am I selfish? I didn't do anything productive with my day off. Laundry is still in the baskets, I left the dishes for my sister to do, I even bypassed the gym. I can honestly say that today was the first day in over six months that I have spent recharging my batteries. Maybe I should do it more.

Maybe we all should. I think our kids will benefit just as much as we will...

paper thin bagels.

2010-04-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

W. T. F. Who comes up with things like this? Is it a cracker... or a bagel?

btw... this is my life right now. Sitting at work. Eating my bagel/cracker. Drinking my (free) 16 oz triple shot white chocolate coconut latte- because its Friday and that's when I splurge- and blogging. Adelyn is at MammaE's house, Tarah is on her way in to work in the office, on top of being paid pretty well hourly I also make bank tips. I am loving this right now.

Adelyn and I are adventuring to Pullman again this weekend to see Kyle. He has been playing really well so he should be starting most of the weekend. Squee!!!

Yesterday in class, this kid I went to high school with- Evan- asked about Kyle. I started going on about how great he is doing this season after recovering, and how he is playing for this prestigious summer team.

Evan called me a jersey chaser.

I am :-)

One day at a time.

2010-04-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

We finally saw a few days of rest here in our neck of the woods! Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were all low key and fun. Here are a few highlights:
Friday:
Adelyn and I drove up to Sandpoint to drop Aunt Taylor off with my grandparents up there. We got to see AJ & Tina, their kids Nichole, Aaron, and Jada, and Grandma Freda and Grandpa Smokey. Fun fun visiting time :-)
Saturday:
I honestly cannot remember what we did on Saturday. Can you say MOMMY BRAIN much? Wow. How embarrassing. I should end this post right now. Or make something up. For instance, Saturday: Adelyn and I went for a run, made a salad for lunch, and then went to a baby book fair. How accomplished! Oh wait. We did in fact go for a walk with Aunt Sam, and then dinner at Caddyshack. Hoorah!
Sunday:
Adelyn and I went to church with Sam, went for a walk in the beautiful sunshine, and hung out with Tarah at the motocross races (got to watch Maddy! Which was scary... but she's pretty badass.), had yummy burgers for dinner, and went to bed early!
Monday:
Hung out with Tarah and Rachael while they shot her maternity pics, did homework for the week, took a NAP (that's right... sleeping in the middle of the day), took Adelyn for a walk with GGma Jill And GGpa Lee, and played for hours in the sun.

Let me just tell you one more thing that happened on Sunday while Adelyn and I were getting ready for church. I left Adelyn on my bed, all snuggled between 2 pillows like always, while I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. All the sudden, she starts SCREAMING. Oh my God, she fell off the bed. But that was my thought process. I spit my toothpaste out and calmly walked into the bedroom, picked her up off the floor, and rocked her a little. I feel like I should have been freaking out, but I wasn't. Does that make me a bad mom? I just got this feeling like, if I pretend to be calm and act like everything is ok... she will believe me, and everything will be ok. Are you supposed to do that? Should I have rushed her to the ER? I mean, after she calmed down I changed her into her church clothes and made sure to pay attention to if she winced or anything when I moved her. She didn't. She seemed fine, just a little scared.

So that was our (loooong) weekend. Now its back to the grindstone (I sit in an office all day, doing homework... If its nice outside I usually sit in the chair and read in the sun... I would hardly call that a grindstone.) Office Tuesday/Wednesday, coffee stand Thursday/Friday. Friday afternoon we are haulin our cookies to Pullman to watch Daddy play baseball and see our friends. Sunday, I am going to bring Adelyn down to Lewiston to meet my Great Aunt Linda and her family. And hopefully my dad's side of the family will be able to roadtrip down to Pullman on Sunday as well for Kyle's game.

Things are looking up. I'm starting to think that last week's depression was a side effect of this little medical dillema I have been experiencing. But more on that after I get it checked out by a doctor. Happy week!

"I am a college student... I am a college student..."

2010-04-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I am in a funk. With Adelyn growing so fast, I can't help but think "Shit... I am still where I was six months ago. I'm not doing anything to make her life any better or different." And its the truth. Well, ok. I am not EXACTLY where I was 6 months ago- I have lost a lot of weight, gone back to work, created a schedule, and become a pretty darn good mom. But I am still living at home. Without Kyle. Still working on my degree. Still working a job-job as opposed to a career-job. Still running around like a crazy person trying to make everything work.

Is it bad that I just want my life to start?! I want a job that challenges me. I want to come home and make dinner for my family. I want to plan vacations. I want to crawl into bed with my (boyfriend) husband every night. I want to grow and develop and love my life. But now that I can actually see all of that, typed up on my screen... it still sounds boring.

Oh boy. I wonder if it's possible to talk yourself into depression? Because if it is, I think I have. With all of the time I spend alone, or with Adelyn who isn't much for conversation, I overthink everything. My mind is so busy all the time; it is hard to just relax and enjoy everything in my life.

Maybe this is just some pre-summer blahs, but I hope it ends quick!

Six months ago...

2010-04-14T08:45:00.000-07:00

Kyle and I became parents. My whole entire world shifted from "me" to "us". I gave birth to a little girl who I expected would bring chaos to my life, but has brought so much more. I thought she would be a little companion, but I never expected her to be such a complete part of me- as real and close to me as the hands I type with.

With so many close friends going through this whole pregnancy thing right now, I have been asked more than once what it feels like to be a mom. How do you even answer that? Do you tell them that its the most wonderful, rewarding feeling ever the first time (shoot... every time) your baby recognizes your voice and looks all around for you. . . because they love you the most? Or do you tell them how hard it is to look at your baby and know that you can't give them every single thing they deserve (two parents, or more family time, or every toy in the world, or relatives closer, or a decked out nursery, insert what's lacking for you here)? Because it is both. Being a parent is the most wonderful, scary state of being you will ever experience. Forgive me for getting all mushy, but it is impossible to describe the emotions you feel every day after you become Mommy.

Adelyn is six months old today and I can hardly believe it! On one hand, it feels like she has always been a huge part of my life... and most of the time it feels as though my life hadn't even started before she got here. But on the other hand, I feel like it was just yesterday that we held her for the first time.

She is rolling over now... all the freakin time! I can't leave her alone on the bed anymore while I get ready in the morning because I am scared she'll just roll right onto the floor! She also has to be strapped in to her carseat, swing, or anything else elevated otherwise she'll flop right out of it. She is making all kinds of fun noises- blowing bubbles and talkin' some full-fledged baby speak. We have tried to give her "real" food a couple of times, and if you saw the video on my facebook you'll know how that went LOL. She is also sitting up on her own, and puts her weight on her legs if you hold her up like she's walking. Kyle is convinced she'll be running in no time :-)

At our last doctor's appointment 2 weeks ago she was 14lbs. and 24 inches long. Tall and skinny, just like her dad.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the last 6 months, more to come:

Love like Crazy

2010-04-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

"Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice

they called them crazy when they started out

said 17 was to0 young to know what loves about

they've been together 58 years now

that's crazy

he brought home 67 bucks a week

bought a little two bedroom house on maple street

where she blessed him with 6 more mouths to feed

that's crazy

just ask him how he did it

he'll say pull up a seat it'll only take a minute

to tell you everything

be a best friend

tell the truth

over use "I love you"

go to work

do your best

dont out smart your common sense

never let your prayin knees get lazy

and love like crazy

they called him crazy when he quit his job

sellin home computers boy they'll never take off

well he sold his one man shop to microsoft

and they paid like crazy

just ask him how he made it

he'll tell you faith and sweat

and the heart of a faithful woman

who never let him forget

be a best friend

tell the truth

over use "I love you"

go to work

do your best

dont out smart your common sense

never let your prayin knees get lazy

and love like crazy

always treat your woman like a lady

never get to old to call her baby

never let your prayin knees get lazy

and love like crazy

they called him crazy when they started out

they've been together 58 years now

aint that crazy

I have always been a lyrics freak, but it has been a while since I have heard such a powerful song. I love love love it!

Adelyn's Very First Easter

2010-04-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! I was finally able to upload some pics to this thing! Sweet!

Anyway. Happy Easter to all! As you know, Kyle was able to come home for the weekend because of his injury. He hadn't been home since Christmas break. Being able to spend time with him without having to pack up the car and drive almost 2 hours with an infant was SO nice. Not to mention... my house is a LOT cleaner than his disgusting bachelor pad. But that's a whole seperate issue. Unfortunately, like so many others these days, we have to rock the FOUR FAMILIES charade. My mom, his dad, his mom, my dad, grandparents in Oregon, aunts and uncles in Seattle, blahblahblah.

EVERYONE wants to see Adelyn, and who can blame them? She is pretty damn cute. Kyle and I? Not so much. (If he were here he'd be like "Speak for yourself... psh." lol) We had a great weekend though, here is a not-so-quick-because-I'm-bored-at-work-and-I'm-sure-everyone-wants-to-know-everthing-about-my-life-anyway recap:

Friday: Kyle got home around 4, we spent an hour or so catching up and he played with his baby while I got everything ready for the night. We went grocery shopping for dinner, and then headed over to Monica's. I straightened Monica's hair for work while she played with Adelyn, Kyle slept on the couch. Kyle and I watched a few movies and hung out with Hayden a bit before going to bed.

Saturday: We slept in (ALL THREE OF US... Adelyn is a sleeping champ whenever her dad is in town.) and went to brunch at my mom's. After a couple hours of hanging out and not doing a whole lot, we went to Grandma Chris and Gary's house for a delicious lunner of fried shrimp and halibut, and bacon cheeseburgers! Yum! We took lots of pictures here, but this has got to be one of my favorites...

Are they too cute or what? We headed home around four and then... drum roll... my mom and Donna took the baby for the rest of the evening!!! Well ok, they dropped her off at GGma Jill's house at 6, but STILL!!! Kyle and I went to Kohl's and bought him a bunch of summer clothes, and some new heels for me. Then we went to Best Buy and bought a new video camera since Adelyn is getting HILARIOUS and her dad doesn't want to miss anything. Pretty awesome. We even went on a date to see "Bounty Hunter" which was stupid, despite my boyfriend Gerard being in it. Topped off the night with some Coldstone, and picked up our already-sleeping baby. Success.

Sunday:

I woke up early and got everything ready for our day. The Easter Bunny sure did good things for us this year!

On the left is Kyle's basket: peeps, bodywash (the manly kind LOL), candy, boxers, and one of those little basketball hoops. Adelyn's is in the middle: lots of new clothes, a tray for her Bumbo, and some bags for her Diaper Genie (OMG her fav! How'd the Easter Bunny know?). Mine is on the right: lots of candy, a princess PEZ dispenser, and a whole bunch of 5 Hour Eneergy Shots LOL! Also in the picture is our new video camera... yippee!!!

After we opened presents, Godmother Tarah and Godfather Cory came over to walk to church with us. But we drove cuz it was cold. Oh well.

So cute! Baby bumps all around! except here... no thanks.

Adelyn was a little angel at church. Daddy held her during the music at the beginning at they danced and danced, and during the sermon she slept in my arms. So sweet. We have the best baby ever.

UNTIL... we got into the car to head to Gpa Tony's house (in 9mile... like an hour away). Having Kyle home makes me all flustered because he is such a big help, I feel like I don't have to do anything! So I totally forgot to have a bottle ready on the way over. Shit. We drove seperate cars so Kyle could leave straight from dinner and of course I got the baby. She screamed and screamed until I finally had to stop at stateline to make a bottle. THEN my portable bottle warmer broke. Shit shit. So we found a coffee stand and were finally able to heat the bottle, and Dad fed it to baby while mom went for a little walk down by the river to contain my pending nervous breakdown.

Dinner at Gpa Tony's was amazing as always. I ate way too much, and everyone oogled over Adelyn for hours. Then Kyle and I parted ways, tear, but we will be reunited again in 4 days when Adelyn and I head down to Pullman for another baseball weekend. Its getting easier.

Baby slept the whole way home, so I brought her up to GGma Jill's house to say hi to this family in her pretty dress. She hung out with GGpa Lee and GGpa Jon and I took a mini-nap on the couch. Love it!

We didn't get to see my Dad's side this time around, but we'll definitely be heading up there once the weather gets nicer.

A few minutes to spare!

2010-03-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Quick update here:
- Spring break is this week... and I honestly had NO idea until Monday when I checked my assignments and thought there was something wrong with my calendar because nothing is due until Sunday! Cool, I guess. 3 years ago, if you would have asked me where I thought I'd be spending this break I would have told you Cabo or Lake Havasu or somewhere fun like that. But, alas, I am pulling 40 hours this week and topping it off with a weekend home with Kyle and Adelyn. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
- Kyle gets to come home this weekend because he has not yet been cleared to play, and his team has a series in Seattle. Can you say SILVER LINING?! Of course I am thrilled to have him for even an hour, but a WHOLE weekend? And Easter weekend at that?! Thank you very much! Those of you who live with your husband or boyfriend: please don't take that for granted. I miss Kyle with an intense pain every day... longing for the day when we will be able to read our daughter a bedtime book together, or tag team dinner dishes, or hold hands on the couch during Extreme Home Makeover. Sigh.
- Adelyn has been at work with me most of the week, and it has gone pretty well (aside from a minor incedent yesterday where she missed her diaper and shit all over me... sweet). MammaE and Grandma Chris have been awesome help, and they take her sometimes during the day. Which leaves me plenty of time to...
- Make Justine's "invites" to her "shower" for her baby! Its pretty much just an announcement and an invitation to send her gifts for her little guy. SO sad she isn't home so I can throw her a real shower like the one I got to host for my OTHER bff (I am lucky enough to have 2!) Tarah this weekend. Plenty of pics on my FB of that.

Well, time to close down the office. I'm workin in the stand tomorrow (Yay tips!) and then have Friday-Sunday off :-) Happy Hump Day to all the workin mommas out there!! Keep your chin up- the weekend is just around the corner!!

OVER-productive?

2010-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

5-5:40am: Wake up, feed Adelyn a bottle, straighten hair, apply makeup, get dressed, turn on car, eat cereal, leave house.

6am-12pm: Open stand, be every customer's best friend, make more before 11 than the previous 2 days combined (one customer said its because I'm sweeter than the chocolate in her mocha lol), read economics chapter on "Monopolistic Competition" between customers, score 92.5 on chapter test, make $45 in tips.

12-1pm: Bring base to mom's house, kiss sleeping baby, get gas, beg bakery lady @ Albertsons to sell me 4 poppyseed muffins instead of a "variety pack" because we are out @ work (recently changed the ordering schedule- relieving some stress from me- but the other girl forgot to order muffins- NOT relieving stress from me), grab a chicken teriyaki bowl with whole grain rice, head back to work.

1-5pm: Sit in office, watch all episodes of "Parenthood" on nbc.com, rent 1 storage unit, take 2 payments, walk 1 creepy guy through a few units so he see how many of his "sweet rides" he can fit into each one, PUHlease, make Advice Cards for Tarah's baby shower, construct a handmade card for a customer who just found out they have to move to San Fransisco so her grandson can get 18 months worth of brain surgery, wash car, close office.

5-6:30pm: Legal Environment of Business class, supposed to go until 9 but it got out early :-)

6:30-7:30pm: Buy outfit for the baby shower, pick Adelyn up from Mamma E's, eat dinner.

7:30-10pm: Play with Adelyn, feed Adelyn, bathe Adelyn, dress Adelyn, read 2 stories from the Bible to Adelyn, put Adelyn to bed, get things ready for tomorrow, blog, sleepy time.

"Hump Day" post

2010-03-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

Adelyn and I went down for the WSU vs. Gonzaga baseball game yesterday (the first of 4 this season) where WSU put the Zags to shame 7-5 in what might have possibly been the longest game of my life. OK. It was only 3 hours, but I say that about every game where they have to switch pitchers more than 3 times an inning. Seriously, Paris went in and threw 2 strikes. And was taken out. In the fourth inning. It was one of those games, and it always seems to be that way against the Zags.

We drove down around 8am yesterday to surprise Kyle since he had the whole day off. He took us to breakfast and had time to watch a few episodes of SVU before he had to go to team lunch and his appointment with the school's concussion specialist (ohh... THAT is why tuition is upwards of twenty grand a year...). Bad news there, he's out for at least 3 more weeks. Booo. Could be worse though, as I was trying to tell him. But in the eyes of an athlete, nothing is worse than being held back from the game you love.

After the game, Kyle and I took Adelyn to Jada's apartment for some babysitting time while we went to dinner at San Miguels. How obnoxious is it when you go to dinner with your boyfriend alone for the first time in months, and the hostess seats you 6 inches away from the only other couple in the whole restaurant?! Seeing as I'm loud and obnoxious, I'm sure they were just as thrilled as I was.

Well now I'm at work, wrapping up this week's homework assignments and stuff like that. Oh, I went to a Zumba class on Monday. It was just ok, not my favorite kind of work out, but I do love to get my groove on. Anyone else having a pretty decent week?

Adelyn is Earning her Keep :-)

2010-03-22T15:56:00.001-07:00

Sorry that it took so long to write about this, but as you all know I am a fairly busy lady. Adelyn did end up coming to work with me last Friday from 5:45-noon. It was fairly successful. Here, let me recap and you can decide for yourself:

4am: Adelyn wakes up to eat 30 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Thanks for the timing.

5am: I am just about finished getting ready (I'm a night-showerer), Adelyn is sleeping soundly. I can't bear to wake her up, so I get our things packed and into the car: diaper bag, lap top, Bumbo chair, extra blanket, stroller, and Baby-Bjorn- just in case.

5:15am: Pretty baby Adelyn wakes up and spends 3 minutes smiling at me and being the happiest baby in the whole world. She is definitely a morning person like her momma! We get dressed and grab a bottle for the road (for her... not me) and we're off!

5:45am: Adelyn is captivated by all of the syrup bottles on the shelves in my stand. She sits in her car seat patiently looking around while mom does all of her opening chores.

6:30am: Bottle for Adelyn, coffee for mom. Surprisingly, this is when I started getting customers. I usually don't have anyone until about 7.

7am: I am officially busy. Adelyn sits quietly in her bumbo chair on the counter watching me work and flirting with all the customers.

8am: Adelyn is a bit stir crazy. I hold her and play with her between customers. Everyone loves her and says she is the most beautiful baby in the world, which she is, and that she is getting so big, which she is. All of my regulars are thrilled to see her and no one is looking at me like I'm a bad mom for bringing her to work.

8:30am: Bottle and nap for Adelyn. I use this time to do some chores around the stand and make the April schedule.

10am: Back to flirting with the customers (Adelyn, not me...). She sits in her Bumbo and plays with her rattle or lays in her car seat and plays with her dice. She fusses a little bit, but no tantrums.

11am: Bottle and nap for Adelyn. Mom bored at work.

12 pm: Adelyn is getting up just in time to head home. We decide it would be fun to have a little "girls afternoon" after a hard day at work, so we grab lunch at Valentino's and head off for a walk. We made lots in tips so we split it: half for mom's car fund, half for Adelyn's savings account.

This might just become a more regular activity. However, I do think I'm going to invest in a couple of weekday afternoons with a family member/friend so I have some time to get all of my stuff done. I need about 6 hours a week for homework, and like to spend at least 3 hours a week at the gym. My mom is all wrapped up in her new relationship, so she hasn't been much help anymore (understandably. Adelyn IS my responsibility afterall, and I'm not trying to make her anyone's burden.) Mamma E has been gone in Boise and is now back at work, so her always-eager-to-babysit reliability has taken a temporary leave of absence. Gma Jill is "wintering" in Arizona. Needless to say, I could use a couple hours of "me" time on occasion.

In other news. I am switching to "full time" status at work - 3 office days, 2 stand mornings. I am trying to get $2000 more saved up by summertime so Adelyn and I can start looking for apartments with our BFF Sammy G! It is time. Enough said.

Tarah is coming home on Wednesday! I'm throwing her shower on Saturday, which is coming up really fast and reminds me that I have a bit of stuff left to do. Craaap. It really is a labor of love though, and Tarah's family is doing all the real work. I mostly just need to get my hair done and go shopping for an outfit and some champagne. Tarah will spend the next 4 weeks using Adelyn as a "practice model" to prepare her for the arrival of her little guy this June! So precious.

My life.

2010-03-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

(Yes, this is Kyle putting together the stroller LOL)

I miss Kyle :-( But our relationship is great, thanks to a lot of hard work by both of us. It is SO not easy to be apart right now, but the way I see it is this: A bit of seperation now sure as hell beats a lifetime worth of wondering what might have been... (if he quit baseball or either of us quit school to be together). What we are doing now is what is best for OUR family and OUR future. Someday we will look back and be proud of the choices we made.

Working with Child?

2010-03-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

I need some advice here, friends. Starting in April, my mom (who usually watches Adelyn every Thursday and Friday morning) is going back to work full time. It is also baseball season, which means I lose the ability to work Saturday or Sunday because Adelyn likes to watch her dad play in Pullman. Unfortunately, I do still have that "need to work for money" thing going on, and I LOVE my job... So what do you think: should I sign Adelyn up for daycare, or bring her to work with me?

Here are the facts:
- During a regular morning shift (5:45 am- 12 pm) I usually sell anywhere from $60-$120 in espresso. Yes, we are that slow right now.
- All of my customers know I am a new mommy, and they all ask to see pictures of Adelyn on a regular basis.
- My stand is kind of at a scary end of town, but we have video cameras and my boss is around after 8am. We have never had a break in or robbery.
- Adelyn eats every 2 hours. But she doesn't like to be "fed", she prefers to be put in her carseat and have the bottle propped up with a blanket (can you say independent much?)
- Daycare is $16/day.
- Adelyn is starting to play with toys, so I'm thinking she could sit in her bumbo and be entertained by her rattle.
- I am worried people will think I'm a bad mom (or, even worse, that bringing her to work with me DOES make me a bad mom)
- She still sleeps until at least 9, waking only to eat.

Please help! I know so many moms who say the worst part of being a working mom is that they have to leave their little one at home. But what if it was you? Would you bring her to work with you, and then maybe bring her to a family member or daycare for a while in the afternoon for a little away time? Or just leave her at day care all day to get a break?

These are a few of my favorite things...

2010-03-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those people who thinks it is very important to have a great relationship with yourself before you try to be with someone else. I mean, if you don't love you... how can anyone else? It is entirely too easy to get caught up in thinking "I'm a mom. Here's the rest of my life..." And I do love being a mom, and I embrace the fact that I will hold that title for the rest of my life. But I am young, and brilliant, and passionate and caring and fun and happy and hardworking, too. I'm also a firm believer in thriving vs. just living; you should always be moving forward and growing. There are times when we all need to be reminded of this, otherwise we will simply be be be with ending results we aren't happy with.

So below is a list of things that I am totally loving right now. Some are new discoveries, and some are tried and true pick-me-ups. Think about it... what makes you happy? Is it the same stuff that has ALWAYS made you happy, or are you always finding new things to cheer you up?

1. Vanilla bean frapaccinos from Starbucks- even though they are comparable to a ridiculously overpriced vanilla milkshake.
2. Taking Adelyn for walks past my ex boyfriends house, on the off chance that he might be outside and get totally jealous of all he's missing out on.
3. Spinning.
4. Facebook notifications.
5. Gerard Butler. Yum.
6. Baseball games.
7. Naps.
8. Going out on the town with the girls.
9. Adelyn's biggest smile when she wakes up every morning.
10. Math. I'm such a nerd.
11. Snuggling in bed, watching a movie or late night tv with Kyle.
12. Wedding dress shopping (a girl can dream)
13. Folding laundry
14. Cheez Its
15. All of my pregnant/ mom friends

Get Well Soon

2010-03-14T22:05:00.001-07:00

OK so here's the deal. I am a nerdy, over-eager, controlling, optimist who lives to please... and when I get an idea, I run with it. What I'm thinking, is how awesome it would be to flood Kyle's mailbox with "Get Well" cards. I already bought all of the 99 cent ones Target had, but I think it might be cool if other people who care about him sent him one as well.

SO if you would like to send Kyle a card, email, fb, text, or twitter me and I will send you his address.

As of today, he is still violently neasous (sp?), with a very sore neck and head. He is being constantly monitored by the WSU trainer.

rockin and rollin

2010-03-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

I have the cutest baby ever! We had so much fun at the beach today. More pics to come.

Pray for Daddy...

2010-03-13T20:30:00.000-08:00

Kyle took a hard, scary hit today. Read about it here. I have talked to him plenty tonight and he is OK... just suffering from a terrible headache. The worst news, to him, is that if he gets any more concussions he will have to quit baseball. If you know Kyle, you know how devistating that is.
Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Laughin!

2010-03-03T19:17:00.000-08:00

1, 2, 3 bee da bee da bee bee

2010-03-02T22:33:00.000-08:00

1. 1 word. Yogalates.
2. Adelyn and I went to breakfast today at Pastry and More. We split a fabulous cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee while perusing the wedding cake catalog.
3. We also took a nice long walk around the park this afternoon and Adelyn stayed awake the whole time! So fun to show her things... "this is where mommy and daddy went to high school" "this is where daddy used to play football/baseball" "this is where mommy and aunt justine used to pee behind the dumpster on a wild Friday night"

OK... some things are best kept to ourselves :-)

Also, my new favorite show Parenthood premiered tonight. I'll let ya know what I think about it later- I obviously can't stay up late enough to watch a 10 pm show.

weigh in, stress out.

2010-03-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to the gym today with Jordanna for a spinning class. It was our first one ever, and we were both terrified on our way there LOL. But, fear not, it was great! Very challenging, but nothing we couldn't handle. I also weighed in today... at 143.6 lbs. Which is right on track with my goal of eating healthier and excersizing when I have time. Go health!

On a not so fun note, its midterms week. Ugh. I am really struggling to get everything done, with little to no help from the fam. lately. My mom has a new GF that she spends lots of time with, and my gma and gpa are "wintering" in Arizona for the month. Kyle, of course, is in season... so I'm lucky if I get a 5 minute phone call from him each day. Its strange because I don't feel too overwhelmed... just enough to be aware of my crazy life and the effort it takes to be a full time mom, student, and coffeehouse manager. Ask me again in a week though, and I'll probably be ready to pull (more of) my hair out.

Adelyn is teething. Drooling ALL.OVER.EVERYTHING. And not the happiest camper (she gets 2 drops of baby acitametaphin in every other bottle). She also has a little cold as a result of the shots she had to get last week- poor baby! But the good news is that her little birth mark behind her ear IS just a birthmark. We went to a dermatologist and that's what he said, but our doc was still worried so we checked with a plastic surgeon. Samesies. They said it would be completely gone by the time she is 5 yrs. old. Sweet!

Good luck to all of you out there trying to balance your own crazy life! I feel for you, really. Write about it though, it'd make me feel better to know I'm not the only one at wits end...

sleep deprivation

2010-02-25T22:33:00.000-08:00

1. Some of the blogs I follow FINALLY updated today, which gave me something fun to do for a little while (like oogle all the pics of Sydney and Stu's last ultrasound of the second sir!)
2. Adelyn and I went shopping with Momma E today and it was SO fun to buy little boy stuff for Sydney and Justine. I was oh so tempted to buy a little onesie that said "I'm the little brother" about 3 years in advance for the little brother that Adelyn will undoubtedly want... But I didn't. OK, I did :-) but its for Kaden's little bro, not Adelyn's.*
3. Momma E is having a sleepover with Adelyn tonight, because she has a cold and kept me up all night when I had to be to work at 5:45 this morning. Tomorrow is another early morning, and I'm about one sleep deprived hour away from a nervous breakdown. Thanks Momma E- Love you!

* No, I'm not pregnant. Not even close. But Adelyn will have a little sibling in 3-4 years... sooner, if it were up to Kyle. But that's a whole nother (wft... nother?) bag of worms.

Mmmbop

2010-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

1. I got a pedicure this morning... fabulous!
2. My friend Rose came by work today, she is all glowing and round with baby. She is having a girl, naming her Lillyanna (lilly annah? lillianna? IDK) which is really cute because her name is Rose... and Lilly... presh.
3. I finished a week's worth of accounting homework today. I'm trying to continue with this anti-procrastination thing... which is awesome. It feels so good to get things done before they need to be; makes it feel like I have more time to do things I actually enjoy.

uh oh.

2010-02-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

This is one of those times where things are going so well, you can't help but worry that something bad is lurking right around the corner. This is an internal battle I've been having with myself lately: Should I keep my guard up, and wait for something bad to happen so I can be prepared for it? Or should I simply live for right now, and enjoy the good things to that are happening? It seems like the obvious answer is to enjoy the happiness, but when you've been hurt really bad or completely screwed over once or twice, it makes you always want to be aware of the things that could go wrong.

So that's where I'm at. Aware. I can honestly say that I acknowledge the fact that things won't always be this easy. Something is bound to happen, such is life. But waiting around for the storm isn't going to make it rain any less. There is my philosophy for the day, bwahaha!

In other news, WSU Baseball opens their season at home this weekend! I got Adelyn a bunch of cute WSU clothes for the games- I even found a pink WSU onesie that buttons up the front like a baseball shirt. Uh HELLO!? Thank you, Shopko! LOL.

1. Dawnell came in today with her son, she is one of my favorite customers and I was thrilled to chat with her for 15 minutes.
2. I am just finishing up my homework for the week, so I won't have one thing to worry about when I go to Pullman! I understand that this doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but my assignments for all 5 classes are given out on Monday... and I work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. And I have Adelyn, pretty much every second I'm not at work. So finishing all of my assignments for every class 2 days before they are due is like a magic trick.
3. Found new jeans yesterday at Express. They are the greatest, cutest jeans ever! The brand is "ReRock"... look into it!

Hard at work :-)

2010-02-12T08:35:00.000-08:00

OK... I am at work right now. On my laptop. With the internet that my wonderful boss so kindly hooked up for us to pass the time faster. Is my job awesome or what?! AND I've already made $20 in tips. We've been open for two hours. Just thought I should share that with whoever is out there.

AND I'm buying Tim McGraw tickets today :-) I think I already have the 3 things I am thankful for today... and its not even 9AM. Schweet.

OK... creepy black guy outside. Time to skidadle. Have a good day!!

Insert evil laugh here

2010-02-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

1. Weighed in at the gym today- down to 146 lbs. That means I lost 2 lbs. in 13 days! Also, I FEEL really good- tons of energy and not as much grumpiness/hopelessness as before.
2. Kyle took me to Old European this morning for breakfast for the first time since last March. I had the best strawberry crepes ever ever ever. AND, since I am not 3 months pregnant anymore, I didn't even throw it up in the parking lot this time!
3. Simon Craven, of Craven's coffee, came into my work today at my request and trained all of my girls on the machine. It was so awesome to have someone with as much success as he does to come in to my humble stand, and converse with me as an equal. We talked about different kinds of espresso machines and kiosk ideas and franchising and profitability. I felt like such a grown up!! And hopefully the uniformity in our customer service will improve and expand business. I decided not to fire the girl who has been giving me headaches because we can't work the schedule without her until school gets out. I also got a raise, :-), so I am cutting back my hours a little bit and focus on school and miss Adelyn!

Adelyn, Mittens, and mom

2010-02-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

1. Adelyn and I took a short but sweet cuddly nap together, we are best friends. :-)
2. Mittens survived being fixed and declawed!
3. My mom came home and said "Today was a great day!" which is something I'm not sure I've ever heard her say, and it felt really nice to hear.

p.s. I accidentally ate a piece of pizza for dinner, which goes against my diet. But then I did an extra circuit at the gym, so I don't feel bad about it. AND I didn't spend one dollar today!

Skinny Momma

2010-02-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

I am going to lose 10% of my body weight. But I am going to do it the RIGHT way, not starving myself or cutting out one whole food group. Just workout (often enough to feel good), switch to whole grains, and make other little tweaks to my eating habits. Like switching from a morning latte to an americano. Turkey wraps instead of sandwiches. Flavored water instead of pop. More veggies and less processed foods.

This change of eating habits is something I think is really important for people to do when they become parents. Being a good role model doesn't have to be hard if you work at it from the beginning. If you ask yourself "Would I feed my child that?" you'll often find that the answer is no... so why should you eat it? If something doesn't carry nutritional value its not going to benefit you OR your kids. There has got to be some tasty alternatives, and I'm going to find them!

As of Friday I weigh 148 lbs. At just under 5'3". Wow. I mean, I am not trying to be 110 pounds and model thin. I would just like to look better in my clothes. And outside of my clothes, tehe.

Today for breakfast I had a 20 oz vanilla americano with nonfat milk and a grapefruit. I've heard bad things about grapefruits (that they aren't very tasty) but I bought the heaviest ones I could find and I have been pleasantly surprised. Yum! For a snack I am going to have some cucumber and carrots. For lunch a turkey wrap. Some cheese and crackers for a midafternoon snack. Grilled chicken and wholewheat pasta with feta for dinner. And maybe some frozen yogurt for dessert. :-)

Wish me luck! Or join me if you want- everyone could use a nice little health boost every once in a while!

Whoa... ENERGY.

2010-02-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

1. It is not even 9 yet... and all of my errands, homework, and cleaning are done for the day. My daughter is napping. Dare a break out the Kindle and actually read somewhere other than at work?! What a concept!
2. I made GREAT tips today at work :-) I have been able to make 4 car payments just off my tips from the last 2 months. AND its slow season. Ugh, someday I'm going to have to get a real job. Booo on that!
3. Went to Target again... just like every other day. I am so obsessed with that place it is ridiculous. Today I bought Adelyn this and this. She doesn't need anymore clothes, so why do I keep buying them? Oh well. Now I get to start buying boy clothes for Mr. Jackson Ray Tanner! Hooray for the pregnancy epidemic :-)

Sunday

2010-01-31T23:32:00.000-08:00

1. Discovered this store today. They make BEAUTIFUL paper flowers, gma Jill even bought me one in a fabulously deep shade of red. When (dare I say... IF) I get married, I would like to have them do the wedding I think. I was seriously obsessed with them.
2. Adelyn rolled all the way over today! She's been able to roll onto her stomach for a couple weeks now, but today she discovered how to get her arms out from under her and hold herself up, and then roll back onto her back! So smart baby. (Can you say MOMMY BLOGGER?!)
3. Went shopping with Grandma Jill at Riverpark Square. Is an explanation really necessary?

Lazy.Fight.Strips.

2010-01-30T22:45:00.001-08:00

1. Adelyn and I layed in bed all.day.long!! We watched the first season of True Blood, and "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell". Such wonderful bonding time, I really can't get enough of that.
2. Kyle and I got into a big fight. OK I know that sounds like it shouldn't be something that made my day, but we are both really productive fighters. It is easy for us to communicate and lay everything out on the table and figure out a solution that works for both of us. Neither of us call names or get defensive, and we are both very considerate of the other even when we are pissed. He is also a little more level-headed than I am when he's mad, which is good but frustrating LOL. The fight was worth it, and I still am more than grateful that he's in my life.
3. I had chicken strips for dinner- with honey mustard sauce. Is there anything better? Doubtful. Then I told Adelyn all about how I used to make her dad run to the store if he forgot the honey mustard for my chicken strips. Yum yum yum!!!

Breathe...

2010-01-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

1. Adelyn and I got invited to one of my customers' grandson's first birthday!
2. I ran into a girl I used to work with 4 years ago. She also just had a baby (Oct. 8th!), and she is not with the dad anymore so we had a good time comparing struggles and catching up. We are in the process of arranging a play date. It is so nice to have others to lean on during these hard times.
3. I found out YET ANOTHER friend is pregnant! Ashley K. unfortunately lost one baby, but is still pregnant with another one. Crazy story- but awesome. Is this just like the stage of life I am in right now? The procreating stage? Because everywhere I look- bellies are popping up. Its the weirdest thing.

I feel like it's really important for me to do this as often as I can, because between all the stress, and loneliness, and running around, and studying, and worrying... it is easy to lose sight of all the good things in my life. Hopefully it will get easier to see past (through?) all of the struggles and focus on the blessings God gives me everyday.

Dear life, I need a break. Thanks.

2010-01-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

1. Made good tips today at work.
2. Upgraded from cereal to macaroni and cheese for dinner.
3. Bought myself a couple rings at Target.

bleh

2010-01-20T20:22:00.001-08:00

1. Went back to LCHS today to visit Val. There were good things and bad things about this. But the good ones outweigh the bad for sure, like chatting with my old teachers as equals (even scheduling a play date with one!), getting to brag about what a super hero I am (school, semi-respectable job, pretty baby), and feeling like a grown up.
2. Finished up my homework for the week- feels nice to know I don't have anything due until NEXT THURSDAY!
3. I rolled around on the floor with beautiful Miss Adelyn today for a full couple hours, need I say more? Nothing makes me happier. Unless... I could hang out with her AND her dad all day, but let's not go there right now. I am enjoying her all to myself for now.

with a grain of salt.

2010-01-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

1. I had one of those long, nice, flex-every-muscle-in-your-body stretches this morning when I woke up. Then I looked over and Adelyn was doing the same thing :-) We are too cute for words!
2. My textbooks came in the mail today!! Now... we all know how much of a nerd I am. Can't wait to crack them open (for about a week... then let the procrastinating begin!)
3. Adelyn went to daycare at the gym for about an hour today and they loved having her. We are going back tomorrow.

Just to be realistic, so reading back on this later I can remember EXACTLY where I was (as opposed to where I want everyone else to think I am)... I am still really lonely. It is sad to not have anyone to talk to about my day or watch movies with before bed. It is also tough to be living around people who do things that I don't want to teach my kids to do. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I want Adelyn to be surrounded by certain things and this just isn't it. The worst part: for about a year and a half there is literally NOTHING I can do about it. Bummer.

and a ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR

2010-01-18T22:22:00.001-08:00

1. Chatted with my boss for a while at work- I love my job!
2. Adelyn had THE CUTEST bath today!!! I sent pictures to lots of people lol... I am THAT mom now, whatev!
3. Got to help my little sister with her homework today. I think I am really impacting her life and choices and that makes me happy. Really happy.
4. I got so much done today, its ridiculous. I get more done in one day than most people accomplish in a week. Go me!!

And looky there- 4 :-) I LOVE MY LIFE.

Harder

2010-01-17T23:55:00.000-08:00

1. Lunch with the girls- always brightens my day.
2. Board games with Taylor and Caitlin, I have forgotten how much fun that is and hope to have many more of those in the future.
3. I got a few hours of undisturbed bonding time with Adelyn tonight, and I am just so excited to be a part of her life... to see her grow and learn new things everyday. I am too happy for words that I get to teach her everything about life.

Today's list was a bit harder than most days... because truth be told: I miss Kyle. I am jealous he gets to go out with his friends every night. I am jealous he lives with his friends instead of his parents. I am jealous he gets to show off his talents everyday, and that they are bigger than changing a diaper or making a bottle. It is hard to say that. I am thankful for my life, and for my daughter and my family. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But there's nothing wrong with wanting something different sometimes, right?

I keep telling myself that this is just a transitional phase. We are just moving from point A to point B right now... and I'm not STUCK here. It seems to be helping. Baby steps.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2010-01-11T21:51:00.001-08:00

(first off... I LOVE that song! Justine sang it once for the talent show and it was precious.)

1. Adelyn went back to sleep after a bottle at 7 this morning, so I had 3 hours of undisturbed homework time AND got to eat breakfast!
2. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at work today, and that little voice in my head congratulated me on being HOT... its been a while since I've felt that way.
3. Adelyn is making this new clicking noise that is too cute for words.

I love my life.

Yesterday's favorite things

2010-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

1. Olive Garden take-out for lunch... YUMMO
2. Finished up the weekend with about 20 hours of sleep (twice as much as usual)
3. Said goodbye to Kyle, knowing our relationship is strong enough to see us through these next few months apart. Its nice to be so confident in something, someone, that you can see past the pain of being apart to see the strengthening of the relationship as a result.

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-08T22:24:00.001-08:00

One of my goals for the New Year is to appreciate my life more. To do this, I am going to list 3 things daily that I LOVED about that day! I probably won't actually post it everyday, since I am a busy bee, but I definitely will as often as I can.

1. I broke open my microEconomics book today (I couldn't resist... even though NIC has a strict policy against returns if the seal is broken. You're supposed to wait until the first day of class.) and felt super smart when I skimmed the first chapter and understood the concepts completely.
2. At the gym, I speed walked a mile and totally rocked my circuit training. Finished up the work-out by testing out my high kicks (Fight for the Fish was today so I was inspired lol) proud to say... I still got it, baby!
3. Adelyn passed out early tonight so I got everything done I wanted to this evening and even got to write this blog like I've been wanting to do for the past 8 days.

My other goals:
- save >$300/month
- obtain a 3.5 GPA with a full Spring, Summer, and Fall schedule
- make a conscious effort to spend more time with the people I love

Spare time... Who knew?!

2009-11-29T19:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not even going to start by appologizing for being such a terrible blogger, because I'm sure I've lost all (10) of my followers already. Oh well. Being a new mom is tough! Whenever I get a moment of spare time its always spent doing laundry or taking a shower or I don't know... sleeping! But I really don't have any complaints- I have a pretty good handle on things and (thanks to lots of support from my family and friends) love my busy life.

School is going well, although I had to drop a class- stupid art- so now I'm only at 9 credits. No one cares, I'm sure. Just so long as I get my degree sometime in the next 5 years, I'll be happy. I have a lot of confidence in the classes I am still taking, however, and the rest of the semester doesn't worry me at all. Next semester I am registered for 16 credits, but I can withdraw from any at my discretion- thanks to NICs wonderful lax withdrawal policy.

I've also been back at work for two and a half weeks now, which is really nice. I've always loved my job but it is even better now that I am 30 pounds and 20 inches smaller. Working afternoons is especially nice because business is so slow- I just read my book (The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown-just as good as his others so far). I've also picked up the role of "team leader"- making the schedule and doing the ordering and hiring/firing employees- finally a step up from plain ol' barista! While I'm at work, Adelyn is either with MammaE or my mom ("grandma-ish" nickname is pending for her... any ideas?)

In case you've been living under a rock, or you aren't a real close friend of mine, I should probably tell you that exactly HALF of all of my best friends are pregnant right now- all due within six weeks of each other!!! Tarah found out first, early on the morning Adelyn was born. Her and her husband Cory have been trying for a couple months, and I couldn't be more excited for them! Sydney is due next, and I can't wait for Kaden to have a new baby brother or *sister*! Sydney is already such a great mom- the kind of person you just want to have more kids because you know they will grow into respectful members of society. Gotta love good moms.

Last but CERTAINLY not least- my BFF Justine found out she's expecting on Adelyn's one month birthday!! YAY!!! Unfortunately, she will have to stay in Germany for a while with the Air Force... but our thoughts and prayers will be with her throughout her whole pregnancy. Hooray for Adelyn getting new friends!

Speaking of my pretty baby- she is sleeping through the night now! She goes to bed around 10 and doesn't wake up until 5:30 (I consider this morning because its usually when I wake up anyway). I also made the mistake of drinking coffee while I was nursing exclusively, and I think that might be what kept her awake so much in those first couple weeks because she sleeps WAY more now that I've started skipping my morning (and early afternoon...) coffees. She also smiles, coo's, and stares and Kyle and I when we talk. She's starting to be lots of fun, and I am pretty obsessed with her.

Kyle was just up for 9 days for Thanksgiving, and we had such a great time. It is a blessing to have both of our families so close- but packing the baby from house to house every day is getting a bit old. I think that after we get back from Portland at the end of December we are going to stay in Pullman for a few days- just the three of us for some family time. For those of you wondering how Kyle is doing, I'll give you this: he comes home every weekend, spends 90% of that time home with the baby and I (about an hour a day hitting), buys the baby everything she needs, changes diapers, makes bottles, gets up with her at night, and pretty much spoils the shit out of me. I literally cry every time he goes back down to Pullman just because he makes everything so much easier on me when he's home! But fear not, I get over it pretty quickly when I remember that him being in Pullman means I get the whole bed AND the whole closet to myself :) Things are going really well.

I think that's about it for now! This website is still not allowing me to post any pics, but add me on Facebook (christina rolfe) and you'll find plenty. Happy Holidays!

Delivery

2009-10-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

8:00 pm: It took a little bit longer than we thought to get dilated that last centimeter, about 2 hours to be exact. At this point, I was still feeling really good and pain free- chitchatting with the new nurse, Marilyn, who was in the Navy until she retired 2 years ago at 60 and went to high school with my grandma. She was an awesome woman who made me laugh and definitely didn't take any of my crap. (Ex: Pleaaaaaaaase keep my epidural in just a little longer!! Nope) So this was about the time Marilyn tells us that 5 good pushes should get the baby out. Right on! However, the doctor came in and said probably not... which was correcto- I pushed for 50 minutes or so. 3 pushes- 10 seconds, 8 seconds, 8 seconds- every 2 minutes or so during contractions. This part is all kinda blurry because I was so tired, but I do recall wondering why I wasn't in any pain- surely I should be able to feel this! My mom and Monica each held a foot and Kyle stood up by my head holding my hand and telling me how good I was doing. (I'll mention here that he didn't say or do anything that annoyed me all day long! I think he was as thankful for the epidural as I was though, hehe.)

9:17 pm: When the doctor came back in he told me to quit pushing so hard, Marilyn called me a "bleeder" when we found out I had a torn blood vessel or something. Comforting. And then the baby was born. Originally I didn't really want to watch, and I didn't want Kyle or Monica or my mom to watch either. But they were all looking and I got to see it all in the reflection of my doctor's glasses. The best part? It didn't even hurt. Just a bit of pressure, but absolutely no pain. Now I feel kinda ridiculous saying that because I'm definitely not trying to be an advocate for teenage pregnancy, by any means. But seriously- no pain.
The next part was a little rough. As soon as Kyle cut the umbilical cord, the "baby catcher" Shannon whisked the baby away because she wasn't breathing. Uhm, OMFG! But no one would tell me what was going on. I have never been so pissed in my life- A. They stole my baby. B. EVERYONE else knew what was going on and was over by the table they had her on except me, whose stuck in the bed with my legs still in the air. So here I am, absolutely livid that I don't know what the F is happening and all distraught with emotion- by myself while everyone is freaking out about SOMETHING bad that is happening to MY baby! Turns out, the cord was wrapped around her neck really tight and she wasn't getting any oxygen. Shannon the baby catcher did a really good job at getting her some air though, says Monica. After what seemed like 45 minutes (but after seeing the video, it was actually only like 2 minutes) I finally got my baby back, and all was right with the world :-)

gahhh I have SO many pictures I want to post but it is NOT LETTING ME for some reason!! Anyone else having this problem? It goes to the uploading page with the little circle thing that is supposed to mean progress or something, then freezes up and goes to the default screen Internet Explorer has for web pages that are down. Blehhh!

Labor

2009-10-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

*Tons to blog about, I'll break it into a few entries.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

5 am: I obviously couldn't sleep. I pulled off MAYBE four hours. So I laid in bed for another 30 minutes before I could call the hospital and see if they had room for me. They did :) So I sent out a mini mass text confirming the plan, and set out to keep myself busy for an hour before we had to leave. I ended up making breakfast, bacon and hash browns, that I couldn't eat because I'm a "barfer" and didn't want to have anything in my tummy. Monica picked Kyle and I up just after 6:30 am and drove us to the hospital. At the emergency room check in we met another preggo getting ready to pop- scheduled C-section because one of her babies was sideways (the girl I believe... one boy and one girl- perfect!)

7:15 am: All settled into our room at this point. I don't know how many of you have seen the labor and delivery rooms at KMC, but they are definitely blog worthy. Mine was especially nice since it was a corner room- lots of seating, TV, cool light that hides in the ceiling, huge window, bathroom with a full size tub, etc. My one complaint was that the bed was uncomfortable- but that has a lot to do with the fact that it was a "break away" bed, so the foot area comes off... making it incredibly convenient but not exactly comfy.

8:30 am: By this time I was all settled in my room, just had my IV put in with some fluids and Pitocin to induce me. My doctor came in to check on how I was doing, still only 3 centimeters but 70% effaced. During my exam he asked for the little "sewing needle" to break my water. OK, I had been stressed about this since like 5 months ago when Monica told me how much it hurt Sydney. Yikes! But, no time to worry... it was over before I knew it. And it didn't hurt but was awkward and uncomfortable.

12 pm: My contractions started right after I got the Pitocin- and they were just what I expected and had been hearing about for the past 9 months. I had a million visitors during the day (even despite the strict "family only" rule put into place because of the H1N1 outbreaks recently) but my mom, Monica, Kyle and my dad were the ones who stayed through the whole day. It was surprisingly nice to have my dad there- him and Kyle pretty much watched the computer screen the whole time as the numbers rose to monitor how much pain I was in. At noon my pain level hit a 7 on the 1-10 scale and I decided to ask for my epidural. I had decided early that I wanted to enjoy the experience- I wasn't trying to be anyone's hero... why be in pain if you don't have to?

1 pm: The nurse called Jim Foote- an old family friend and one of the main anesthesiologists. It was his day off and he was golfing in the rain, but came in to do my epidural anyway. How awesome is THAT? Did I forget to mention that his wife was my 4th grade teacher? If you could pick someone to be comfortable with while they were sticking needles and tubes in your back, Jim Foote is the guy. I had been practicing my "scared cat" pose ahead of time, so it only took him like 10 minutes to do the whole thing. He definitely made the Christmas card list :)

2:30 pm: My effing epidural turned off. We thought that maybe it just hadn't spread yet- but when my contractions got back up to almost as bad as they were before I got it in the first place, we knew there was a problem. Apparently, the battery died. My life... They finally got it figured out though and we were back in business in no time. I was dilated 4.5 cm at this point.

6 pm: The doctor came back after the practice closed. Holy crap, I'm at 9 cm and 90% effaced. Lets get this freakin show on the road! At this point, the numbers monitoring how strong my contractions were had more than doubled what I was at before my epidural. It was so funny- my dad kept saying "Holy crap! You can't even FEEL that one?" Nope- pain free my friends. I even managed a little nap and a bunch of phone calls from Justine. Pretty enjoyable afternoon :)

Room at the Inn...

2009-10-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

Great news! My doctor FINALLY agreed to induce me!! As long as there is room in Labor and Delivery on Wednesday morning- that's the day! No worries, there isn't anything wrong or any complications. My doctor just had a wonderful, loving change of heart. This is pretty much how the convo went after my exam:

Doc:Well, you're still just 2 centimeters dilated, but you're thinned out all the way. I'd say you're more ready to induce than this woman we're inducing today.
Me: Whoa whoa whoa. Is that an OPTION?
Doc: Hmm... yeah I think it's probably about time we get her outta there before she gets too big.
Me: (practically jumping out of my chair) Great! So should we head to the hospital? Lets do this.
Doc: Uhm, no.
Me: Well... I have friends flying into town just to meet her on Thursday, so it'd be really great if she was here by then.
Doc: How about Wednesday?

And the rest is history. Hooray hooray hooray!!! Pending availability, I will check in at 6:45 am on Wednesday, October 14. Now I have to go do some laundry, finish my homework for the next few weeks, and (re)pack my hospital bag. Whoo!

Predictions:

2009-10-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sydney:
Birthday- October 18
Weight- 7 lbs. 4 oz.
Length- 19 in.

Christy:
Birthday- October 10
Weight- 7 lbs. 12 oz.
Length- 20 in.

Kyle:
Birthday- October 9
Weight- 6 lbs. 8 oz.
Length- 19 in.

Have a guess? Of course you do... send them to me!

TMI Folks

2009-10-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

Hooray! I went to the doctor today and after my examination (quite uncomfortable, but I guess I'll be getting used to that soon enough) he told me that I am, in fact, dilated 2 centimeters and half way effaced! Whoo! For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know what that means, I'll spare you the details. But it IS good news- because after 3 nights of contractions I've started to think that nothing will ever happen. Alas, the doctor says the show is on the road- if we're lucky she'll be here by the end of the week.

Week 37 Doctor's Appt.

2009-10-03T21:55:00.001-07:00

Sorry I didn't write right away after the doctor like I said I was going to- I thought I'd have some exciting news or something. No such luck. I finally hit 160 (and cried, like a child... in the doctor's office lol). Blood pressure is super low, no anemia, Hep B, diabetes, edema (?), or swelling of anything. They didn't check to see if I was dilated at all, but sent me home with a warning that they will be checking next time (uhhh thanks for the heads up I guess). My doctor proceeded to tell me that I'm like the most boring pregnant girl ever- everything has gone pretty text book. He also called me a control freak because I was practically BEGGING him to let me pick a date to induce me (which would have been that very day, if I had any say in the matter).

I've been getting a lot of contractions, which is cool until they stop and nothing happens. I pranced around Target with the girls for almost 2 hours last night trying to get the show on the road- with no luck. I know, I know... she'll come when she's ready. There's really nothing I can do. Enjoy my sleep while I can (OK... YOU try sleeping with a wiggly basketball taped to your middle). I'm sick of being pregnant. Sigh. My next doctor's appointment is on Tuesday, I'll update with any news.

quick and dirty

2009-09-28T22:10:00.001-07:00

Monica says I need to update this, but it won't load my friggin picture so I've been a little resentful the past couple tries. I don't have the time, energy, or desire to go into grea detail about anything that's going on right now (mostly because I'm in that Hurry-Up-And-Wait mode) but I will give you some highlights before my more detailed post after tomorrow's appointment with the doc.

- I've cut back my hours at work to just 3 days a week for the next 2 weeks. I have the new girl trained and on call just incase I am unable to work even those. *pause, insert sigh of relief*

- I quit talking to KJ because he stresses me out. He hasn't made an effort to see me once in the last 5 weeks. Cool. He texts me this daily: "how is our baby?". To which I reply- nothing. Treat me like less of an OVEN and I will certainly let you know. He also seems to think that I am not going to notify him when I go into labor. I might be a lot of things, but selfish is certainly not one of them. I will call, because that is the right thing to do. I might hit him in the head when he gets there, but I will certainly call.

- Someone please keep me from buying any more baby clothes. I don't have any more room. And at this pace, AJ is going to be wearing a different outfit every 4 hours until she turns 2.

- School is going surprisingly well. I've been trying to work ahead so I have less to do when the baby comes. Oh, and also because I don't have ANYTHING else to do to pass the time.

- They say that nesting is an inevitable part of pregnancy- for all creatures, not just humans. So its comforting to know that I am not the only crazy lady who gets down on all fours to scrub the bathroom floor (because the Swiffer just seems like an inadequate piece of plastic at this point). I've also washed EVERYTHING, folded and refolded blankets, and packed my new Coach diaper bag (THANKS DAD!) twice. Pregnancy and mild OCD are a lethal duo.

- I decided that since a few of the most important people in Adelyn's life won't be able to be here much in her first few years that it's still important for her to see them and know who they are as much as possible. So I'm in the process framing pictures of her Favorite Aunt Justine, Godparents Tarah and Cory, and hopefully after she's born I'll be able to get one of her with Aunt Sam and Aunt Haley. Aunt Sydney, Uncle Stu, and Cousin Kaden when they get back. Then every night we will say goodnight to all of our favorite people! ( I made a clever comment on Facebook today about how Baby AJ will have more Aunts than a 3rd grade science project tehe! She is so lucky to have such smart, stylish, beautiful, strong, and loving women to look up to! )

OK OK its bed time. More on the medical side of things tomorrow, and hopefully some friggin pictures of my huge round belly!

circles

2009-09-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

Today has definitely not been one of those days where the good outweighs the bad, I'm sorry to say. It has become more and more apparent to me that just knowing something and is going to be tough... going in saying "This might be the hardest thing I'll ever do, but I'll do it.", listening to people tell you how hard its going to be, knowing you'll second guess yourself at every turn... none of this makes actual said event any easier.

KJ has been making things especially tough, go figure. I know, I know... I shouldn't even be talking to him. But what can I say? Masochism at its finest. I don't WANT to do this alone. I don't WANT to let go of someone I've been planning my future with for the last 3 years. And I know I sound like a 3 yr. old... but I'm lonely, and I'm scared, and I just want what I know I deserve.

Do you ever have those moments when you feel like you just got hit in the head with the "this is your LIFE" stick? That's been happening to me a lot lately. I obviously don't regret any decisions I've made, and I still have lots of hopes and dreams for my future. But is this where I thought I'd be? No, definitely not. On the other end of that... I am having a baby! I'm handling everything on my own! With no help from a partner! I am going to school full time! I will still graduate on time! My degree will still be from the big state university I'd always dreamed of! I'm working full time- saving tons of money! Today I installed the car seat... on my own! THIS IS MY LIFE!!! I am freakin' awesome!

OK now I'm feeling a little better. That's basically how I operate, I talk myself in circles. I overanalyze every situation I'm ever put in. I am impatient. I prefer to be in control of... well... everything. I love hard and trust too easily (safe to say that is in the past). I don't take for granted any good thing that comes my way. I expect a lot from people because I give a lot.

Think I'll ever find someone who can handle all of that? With the matching baby accessory?

Oh come on... you know I've been thinking it. Will anyone ever want to be with me again? I mean, I'm young, smart, and pretty. But I'm also fertile... its been proven. And that is NOT one of the most desireable traits to guys my age (apparently... because that is why I got dumped). I guess we will see. Who knew this blog was going to get so interesting? :)

I just want AJ to get here!! I need someone to give all of my love to. Time is dragging by so slowly. I need a project! Any ideas? And do NOT say scrapbooking... I am not going down that road.

I Work Hard For The Money!

2009-09-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

Remember when I didn't have a job? And I was stressed out all the time and panic attacks were a frequent occurance? Well... now I have a job (another coffee one, remember?) which I am incredibly thankful for and love dearly, but I do have a little bit to complain about. And, since I no longer have a boyfriend to complain to and my best friends both live thousands of miles away I've chosen to vent my frustrations to dear ol' cyber space!
1. 100 degree weather + no A/C + 8 months pregnant = not a happy camper (+lots of water +bathroom breaks)
2. Swollen ankles from working just 6 hours a day (and working is used loosely there... I mostly just chat with customers or sit down and read)
3. Every.Single.Person. that comes by asks when I'm due. AND what I'm having. AND what her name is going to be. AND if I'm excited. Now under normal circumstances I'm thrilled to talk about myself, but combine this with my previous points and you get one annoyed fat girl. Also... why would you ask if I'm excited? Obviously I'm not going to say "Well, I'm terrified and sometimes I can't believe that this is MY life" even if that's what I'm thinking that day.

But there ARE some recent developments that I do love! Here they are:
A. I have wonderful, caring, customers who like to sit and talk with me and share their experiences. Some even know about my recent struggles and are full of words of inspiration.
B. People feel bad for the big, overheated, preggo... and they tip really well to prove it!
C. I get to hire a new girl soon to split shifts with me after I have Adelyn, which is a cool new responsibility.
D. Like I've said before, my bosses are AWESOME... and they are letting me come back whenever I want after the baby is born, for whatever hours I want. There is some security in there that I truly appreciate.

Well looky there- my raves outnumber my rants! Gotta love days like that.

As far as the Christy Kyle situation... only time will tell. Leavin' it at that.

Baby Stuff

2009-08-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

The beautiful crib/changing table combo. (from Kyle's Grandma and Aunt)

The changing table portion.

Lots of storage space!

The stroller/carseat duo (from my Grandma), HUNDREDS of diapers, and some toys!

The coolest swing ever! (From Lynn)

Back to School

2009-08-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know if many of you know this, but I just started my fall semester at NIC. No worries, not real class (which is good, because I HATE going to class) but online classes! It looks like it'll be a full semester, and that should be tough to balance once the baby comes but I think I can handle it. Plus, if I take this semester off I will have to start paying back my student loans from last year quicker- don't even get me started on that. Plus, the goverment is literally paying me to be a student now so I'm going to take advantage of that while I can!

I am taking 12 credits (full time) and my classes include: English Composition, Survey of Art, Managerial Accounting, and a College Skills Course. My favorite thing about online courses is that you are forced to interact more with your classmates than you are in a traditional classroom setting. Our first assignment in every class is to post a short biography about ourselves (ohmygod my favorite subject!) and respond to a couple other posts. I love that most of the people taking these classes are women in their 20s-40s coming back to school for the first time in years. They are so much more interesting than the 19 year old party animals or kiss-ups I was going to class with last year. Maybe its because I have a different mindset now? Maybe its because I'm an old soul? Who knows- but now my classmates are full of advice and encouragement and I love it.

I just finished up my Week 1 assignments, mostly those Bios and syllabus questionnaires and book surveys. Now I'm in bed watching a James Bond marathon :-) I'm huge and uncomfortable all the time, so that's super fun. I'm proud to report that I've gained 22 pounds since my first doctor's appointment, which is pretty average. And there is less than seven weeks until my due date (thank.GOD).

maternity pics

2009-08-28T22:09:00.001-07:00

An Update.

2009-08-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot to say, because I don't really know where to begin and where to push the censor button. I guess I will just simplify it: Kyle removed himself from our new family. He has decided that a few more nights of partying with his friends is more important than being a part of our lives.

What do I think? He's nervous about being a dad. Sure. He's confused because none of his friends are going through this. Of course. He's scared because he doesn't know what this means for the future? Obviously. But lots of guys feel all those things before having a child. Do they ALL break up with their girlfriends 7 weeks before her due date? NO. They sure as hell don't. They stick around. They're scared and nervous and confused but they face it, because there are people that need them now.

So that's where I am. Please don't respond to this saying that it will all work out and he just needs his time, because that is not what I need to hear. It is time for everyone to quit making excuses for him- mostly me, and his family. Because there have been guys in way worse situations than him who have handled it so much better. Its time we make him accountable (and when I say we, I mostly mean me... I've been trying to make it as easy as I can on him, which is not fair to either of us.).

As for now, what do you expect? I'm handling it. Of course I am. I am taking it one day at a time, otherwise I don't think I'd make it. I'm sad a lot, lonely, and scared out of my whits. But for as long as I live I will know that I made the right decision. Second guessing the birth of your child? Not a real common thing. I am terrified of doing this without him, but what choice do I have now?

Quotes

2009-08-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
—Ambrose Redmoon

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
—Will Rogers

These are the best quotes I have found in a while, and I look all the time. I am a HUGE fan of all things inspirational, wise, or comical. When I was younger I used to copy them down in a journal, as though I'd refer to them in my time of literary need. But as I grew up I realized that it's not what you read when you're down that matters, but how you think. Would I rather have my daughter be someone who needs to look for wisdom in the words of others when she is lost, or to look inside herself? Easy.

Poked and Prodded

2009-07-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Safe to say: my fear of needles has vanished.
This week has cured me.
2 IV placements
2 blood withdrawals
1 shot in the butt for being rH-
1 poke in the finger to check my iron levels

Yep, quite a week! But I should be done for a bit now. Thank goodness!

Hospital Trip #1

2009-07-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

My week has been quite eventful so far, to say the least. I woke up around 4 am Monday morning with some killer pain in my abdomen/back/side areas. I was pretty sure it was a painful case of pregnant constipation or my sciatica acting up, but then I started to vomit a few times. I finally went downstairs and woke my mom up, who promptly drove me to the emergency room.

Once we got there, they wheeled me up to the Birthing Center and put me in a labor and delivery room. Alllllright, I am NOT having this baby right now! was all I could think about. How could I? I haven't even had my baby shower yet! They put a baby monitor on me and finally got the IV in (after poking around in BOTH of my dehydrated arms). They drew some blood too, and this was about the time I got over my fear of needles. I told them to put the IV in through my eye if thats what it took to stop the pain (this was right at the height of the pain, probably about an 8-9 on the 1-10 scale).

When my doctor got there around 8:30 he confirmed that everything with the baby was fine, she was moving around and having a grand ole time- completely oblivious to her mother's writhing agony. I was then given a shot of morphine for the pain and something else for the nausea (which was just a compliment to the pain).

After that, they did an ultrasound on the baby (yep, still a healthy girl with all her heart valves and fingers and toes!) and looked around to see if it was kidney stones, nope. I was given another morphine shot and moved into a postpartum room. Heh. For the rest of the day I mostly just hung out, feeling totally fine so long as they gave me pain meds at the first sign of discomfort- which they were really good about, and I am very thankful for because that pain SUCKED. They decided it is Pyelonephritis (a bad kidney infection) and I was put on antibiotics and lots of fluids for my dehydration. I stayed overnight so they could monitor the baby and make sure the pain didn't come back. The only thing that worried them after they found out what it was was the drop in my blood pressure- at one point I was at like 85/30 with a fever of 101. No big, I ended up being fine.

I ordered room service like 3 times, which was great. And my mom, grandma, grandpa, and Sammy all came and hung out with me at one point or more. Kyle didn't come, even though it was his day off, because my mom told him it was no big deal and there was a pool party in Wenatchee that he'd really been looking forward to. Kind of a disappointment, but he'll figure it out on his own.

Anyway, that was my boring hospital trip. No reason to be worried, everything is just fine. They sent me home with some antibiotics and pain meds. Everyone looked so confused when I was being wheeled out of the birthing center still obviously pregnant instead of with child. Ah well, just 3 more months and we'll be back!

Sample Birth Plan

2009-07-14T17:53:00.000-07:00

I hear some women find it important to fill out a "birth plan" before they deliver. I just found this online. Enjoy :)

Here is a template for your baby's big day. Go ahead and fill out your hopes and dreams! Included are physician notes in Italics.
List of people allowed at birth:
Family or partner...............................................
Doula.....................................................................
Children................................................................
Lady- you get one damn person, and it's not some voodoo doula. And kids?!? Yeah go ahead and ruin every subsequent vagina for big brother Johnnie. Thanks, mom.

Atmosphere
I have a lighting preference.
yes/no
Here's your lighting preference- ON!

I want scented candles.
yes/no
Smell that? Yes, it's total bullshit.

I would like a massage therapist present.
yes/no
You need a therapist, period.

I would like in-room music.
yes/no
How about some backup dancers too? Get real.

Labor and Birth
I would like an epidural.
yes/no
Can the staff have one too? Dealing with you is already incredibly painful.

If no epidural, I would like to walk around during labor.
yes/no
How about doing all of us a big favor and walking to another hospital? Or nearby spa, where apparently you think you are in the first place.

I would like to be allowed to labor as long as possible.
yes/no
So long as we can leave to eat or smoke, you stay in there until the kids first birthday.

I would like to have limited fetal monitoring.
yes/no
Okay, we'll just use our pyschic powers to mind-read how the baby is coping.

I would like to view birth in mirror.
yes/no
Gross. Seriously.

I would like my partner to immediately hold or catch the baby.
yes/no
OK, I tell you what? Why don't we medical professionals all excuse ourselves while you and Captain Conception figure this one out on your own?

I would like my baby to be placed on my abdomen after birth.
yes/no
Silly us! We were going to put her in your purse!

Yay-y Baby!

2009-07-11T20:11:00.001-07:00

Remember my friend Bri, the one with the cute maternity pictures? Well she has been my pregnant buddy through this whole thing, and she is a trimester ahead of me so she's also very knowledgeable. Yesterday was the first day of my third trimester (Uhm... WOHOO!) and go figure, she went into labor last night around 11:30.
She texted me right after her water broke, when she was on her way to the hospital. Her boyfriend was away in Missoula doing something, and he made it to the hospital in 2 hours. (A little like how Kyle will have to keep his phone on him at. all. times. because he'll be in Pullman.) Her contractions started once she was in her labor and delivery room. She got her epidural, got all dialated, pushed for 8 minutes, and little Rylee was born at 5:15 this morning... perfect as a peach! Talk about fairy tale birthing experience. Sheesh.
Everyone's is not so normal, so I hear. The Karma gods will probably curse me with like a 36 hour labor where my epidural wears off and I find out after I've had her that her twin sister is on the way or something. I know I know... think positive and all that great flowery stuff. But I figure, if I expect the worst then I won't be too mortified if/when little things don't go exactly as I planned. But as you all probably know by now, I am a serious Type A control freak. And not knowing what to expect or how to plan is going to stress me out until it's over. Yikes.

Anywhoo. Has anyone else been watching the ticker? Only 97 more days! Yay :)

My new job is going FABULOUSLY. I love it so much. Very laid back, kind of boring, lots of sitting on my butt... exactly how I like to make money! Haha. But really, it is a blessing to finally have some income.

Also going well are my summer classes. The finals open at the end of this week, so I will be sure to report how those go. I just recieved my Award Letter for fall semester- I was awarded a grant that will cover both semesters tuiton, and a small subsidized loan to pay for books, summer classes, and pay off my credit card. Cool!!

Things are looking up, my friends. Definitely looking up!
Ahem, except my ankles still swell for a bit everyday after work. I do my best to just avoid looking at them (easier now that my tummy is so big).

Gah!!

2009-07-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm having a mental breakdown. Here are the facts:
1. I worked from 6am-6pm today
2. I just saw that my ankles are swollen to twice their normal size, for the first time ever.
3. After 8 hours of eating nothing at work, Taco Bell had the nerve to get my order wrong.
I don't care if it's justified or not, I am bawling my eyes out. Oh pregnancy...

New Job!

2009-07-07T19:09:00.001-07:00

Don't worry guys, all of my prayers have been answered! My wonderful friend Tarah got me a fabulous full time job at a coffee stand at the end of Sherman- starting yesterday. I absolutely love it and couldn't be more grateful. I have been so stressed about not having a job, and FINDING a decent employer who will hire someone 6 months pregnant is no easy task. But my new employers know everything that's going on, and they still wanted me- how wonderful! I didn't realize how bored I have actually been until I went back to work. It feels so good to be back in my element :) Anyway, that's it for the good news for now. I did my registry yesterday with the girls- so find that at target.com and see what I need! The countdown has begun... 101 days until Adelyn gets here! (hopefully a liiiittle bit sooner, but we'll see)

I love the Circus!

2009-07-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

Below, I have posted some pictures of Kyle and I at the Colfax Circus about 2 weeks ago. It was probably one of the more fun things we have gotten to do during the last 3 years as a couple, and I loved it. (He loved it too... despite having to pay $32 just for us to get in.) The best part was definitely the lions and tigers- they did all kinds of neat tricks and I was laughing my butt off. Sure, it might fall under "animal cruelty" a little... but you'd be hard pressed to find something funnier than a big lion crawling under the bar that all of the smaller ones were jumping over. Maybe you had to be there. I'm also a big fan of the elephants. The last time I went to a circus was with Justine when we were about 11, somewhere I still have the picture of us riding an elephant. We opted out of riding them this time, for fear that I would look ridiculous. My sweet boyfriend had the kahunas to say "Look! THAT guy is bigger than you!" Everytime an obese man got on one of the poor elephants. Thanks, sweetie... that makes me feel better.

Million Words Monday

2009-06-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

This quote came to me from a blog I read called "Memoirs of a Single Mom" ( visit here ) and I thought I'd share it with you... seing as most of the people who read this blog (that I know about, aside from my Grandpa Jon) are strong women. Here's to you:

"Every Forte woman, regardless of her past, present or future, must treat herself as if she is worthy because for f**k's sake, WE'VE EARNED IT."

Good luck to you all for the rest of the week. I'm going to try to take some more pictures to post... since my blog is terribly boring.

Note to self: Plan next pregnancy in the winter months.
Side note: Have hasband present.

Things That Are Hard

2009-06-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

Now that I have been home a few weeks I think it is time for me to come out and talk about it: things aren't as bad as I thought they would be (yet.). I was worried that not seeing Kyle everyday would put a strain on our relationship, but it has done just the opposite. We see each other one day/night a week, whether he comes here or I go down there, and we can truly enjoy our time together since it is so limited. We talk about the things that are really important to us, we do fun things we've been wanting to do but always just talked about, we don't have time to fight... because our time together is so precious. Whenever anyone asks how we are doing I say, "It's great... like a honeymoon everytime we're together."

That's not to say I'm not lonely. There are times like tonight when I'm sitting at home doing some Accounting homework, wishing I could be at a party with my friends, or in Wenatchee meeting all of Kyle's new teammates. But then I hold still for a second, and I feel the baby kick (like she likes to do so much when I'm alone, but rarely when I'm with someone else) and suddenly I don't want to be there anymore. I want to be right here, in my living room, studying my butt off so someday things will be different. I'm lonely, and I'm bored, but I'm pretty happy.

Another thing I noticed today when I was down at Car d'Lane with Tarah: people stare at me now because I am obviously pregnant, not because I'm obviously beautiful. Talk about an ego check.

Technical Update- 21 Weeks

2009-06-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

How your baby's growing:
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.
babycenter.com

Face Space

2009-06-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy pictures on Facebook/Myspace: appropriate or not?

I never really was a fan, because it is supposed to be this wonderfully romantic period for your close family and why would you want to share that with your friends/people from high school that you feel obligated to add? But I put one up today because I have been getting so many requests for it. I guess since I am a little more grown up now I look at it as a way to share the experience with people who care about me, not as a way to start gossip about how big I've gotten. IDK, I'm still pretty sketchy about it. If I start feeling uncomfortable, it'll come down. (Its been up 30 minutes and I already have 3 comments. Wayyy more than even the prettiest pictures of me on there!)

That's kind of why I started this blog. It's certainly not private by any means, but its a little different than Myspace/Facebook in that you have to KNOW about it to see it- you can't just be reminded by a little pop-up. Let me know what you think.

21 Weeks Down

2009-06-06T14:13:00.001-07:00

Still pretty easily disguised with a loose shirt (which is great while I am job searching!) I wasn't sure why it seemed so much bigger than Bri when she was at 21 weeks but when I asked my doctor he said I was carrying really high, and that usually makes it noticeable quicker. I still kind of look "just fat", and I'm at that stage where people kind of notice but don't want to say anything just in case. OH well. I'll be huge soon enough!

Lucky Number 40

2009-06-05T19:26:00.001-07:00

Go me! This is my 40th post on this blog... 40 being a lucky number because that is the number of weeks in a full term pregnancy. Yep, only a nerd like me would find the coincidence charming.

Wondering about my mystery interview? It went really well! Still keeping my fingers crossed, but I got a call today saying that they were checking my references and then they will get back to me by the middle of next week! YAYYY! I'm really hoping to land this one, SO many perks- free daycare, benefits, GREAT work environment where I already know a bunch of people there, and it'll be the only job I've ever had where I don't start at minimum wage tehe. I'm still not ready to tell where it is for fear of jinxing it, but as soon as I get a thumbs up I'lll let you know :)

Today I went to the beach with my pregnant friend Bri. We attracted all kinds of attention, it was super fun. Its nice to be able to talk to someone with the same kind of worries as me. Not many of my friends have to worry if their boyfriends will still find them attractive after they give birth. Or rapid weight gain or mental breakdowns or swollen ankles. Its nice to know I'm not the only crazy one out there... I might even be kind of normal for a prego!

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me in regards to this job!

School, Thank Goodness.

2009-06-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

After 3 weeks of being home and generally bored out of my mind I am thrilled to share that my summer classes have started! I am taking Ethics and Accounting- not what most would call "fun classes", but they will surely keep me busy for a few weeks. They are both online classes, so all of my assignments and tests will be online. I am going a bit overboard (just like I have before new classes for as long as I can remember); I already have due dates highlighted in my day planner and notecards ready! All of this is pretty silly, seeing as I could just take all of my notes online and have automatic pop-up reminders. But where is the fun in that?!

Other things are starting to look up as well. Chances are good that Justine will be home for the 4th of July. And I have an interview on Thursday, but I'm not giving out details because I don't want to jinx it!

I also went down to Pullman yesterday and hung out with Kyle for the evening. I could've stayed longer, but I figure that if we only see each other for small periods of time we will be able to stay in that "honeymoon period" where we can really appreciate being together instead of bickering or driving each other crazy (which is easy to do, since there isn't much to keep ya busy/sane in Pullman!).

I will be sure to update after my job interview, keep your fingers crossed!!

cute cute cute

2009-05-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my friend Bri, and her boyfriend Josiah, during her "prenatal photo shoot". All of her pictures were beautiful and well taken, but this one really stuck out to me. I also sent it to Kyle... who absolutely hates feet and probably wouldn't rub mine if there were dipped in gold first. I don't mind much since I am really ticklish, I'd prefer a professional pedicure anyway because then they paint your toes for you! (as a sidenote... I was trying to paint my toenails the other day and realized how much more difficult it is these days. I felt like I was suffocating trying to reach all the way down there. I finally had my sister finish for me.)

Speaking of, well, me... things are good on the pregnancy front! Since I have so much spare time, I've been going for walks daily as well as some yoga and I even signed up for a prenatal water aerobics class for July. THAT should be fun. Turns out, everyone was right about this trimester being way better than the last! I've put on a healthy amount of weight since I've been able to eat whole meals again :) I have a little bit of back pain, but nothing I can't handle (and I'm sure that'll only get worse).

I went into "Motherhood" the other day, which is a maternity store, and had a good laugh as I walked around there. Between the giant tents that they were trying to pass off as swimming suits and the knee-to-chest underwear, I found one shirt I liked. Its so much easier to be pregnant these days- there really isn't any need to cover up or try to hide your belly if you don't want to. In Coeur d'Alene, basically half of the female population is either pregnant or overweight so its perfectly common to see someone packing a little extra weight in their bikini at the beach. Luckily, pregnant people are usually considered cute. I'd rather wear a bikini and form-fitting shirts that way there isn't any confusion... I AM PREGNANT. NOT FAT.

Bad Day.

2009-05-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

Remember how I got laid off from my previous place of work? Well I just went in there to grab a bottle of water when my previous boss told me that the reason I am so unemployed is in fact because of my pregnancy. There was no hinting, definitely no gray area. He went as far as to tell me that this kind of discrimination wasn't illegal. No no, it definitely is. As soon as I figure out how to file a complaint with the Department of Labor or Human Rights or whatever, I am on top of it. I was a HARD WORKING employee of theirs for nearly 2.5 years, and I am not about to sit back and let them walk all over me. Ugh.

On top of that, a just found out a friend from high school got the position I was really hoping for at the coffee shop in the hospital. She didn't know I was hoping to get it, so its definitely not her fault. Just looks like today isn't my day!

However, in the process of writing this post the woman from the Idaho Dept of Human Rights called me back and helped me to file a complaint- so I feel a bit better about that at least.

pretty baby

2009-05-27T17:55:00.001-07:00

Pretty Baby

Scary baby

Just an Update

2009-05-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

Its a girl!
But I'm sure you've all been informed by now.
Adelyn Justine Johnson
will be her name.

Other than that,
nothing is going on here.
Kyle is playing ball
in Oklahoma.
I see him maybe once
every week.
Justine was reassigned.
Again.
To Germany,
which is better than Turkey.
I am terribly lonely
without them.

I still have no job.
No prospects.
Though this is not due
to a lack of effort on my part.
I have applied
and applied
and applied.
Damn economy.

All of this is contributing
to my recent "debbie downer"
attitude. Sorry.
I'm sure hormones could be to blame.
Although I'm not surprised.
Who wouldn't be depressed?

This also contributes
to my lack of blogging effort.
Not much going on=
not much to talk about!

Summer classes start Monday,
assuming I can scrounge up $800
to pay tuiton,
since my FAFSA got messed up.
Wauh wauh wauuuh.

Since I have an extra
few hundred hours
before I have to do anything,
I'll upload the ultrasound pics.
for you guys.

Settled [?]

2009-05-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

I finally got all of my stuff moved into my mom's house this last weekend. The room is nice- recently painted and has all of "my" stuff in it. I am comfortable.

I'm thinking my being here will serve as a buffer between my mom and 13-yr-old sister, they certainly need it. Also, maybe I'll be a rolemodel to help my sister get back on the right track. (A 19 yr old unwed pregnant girl with no job*? not a likely role model.)

My week has been spent getting stuff together for Medicaid and my summer classes at NIC, relaxing, and cleaning/organizing the house. Nothing too exciting here. I went back down to Pullman on Monday to watch Kyle's game and had dinner with him. I miss him.

*About this no job situation. I contacted my manager from the coffee shop that I worked at in CDA for 2.5 years before I left for school, wondering if he was able to put me on the schedule for next week (as previously arranged, I'd be allowed hours whenever I came home because I am a "valuable employee" and I've been there at least a whole year longer than all of their other employees). I was then informed that I will not be receiving my previous position, or any position, because they don't have any open spots. Thanks for the loyalty.

Crap.

So here I am. Living with my mom. No job. Plenty of experience, but only as a barista. Not enough in my bank account for the gas I'd need to get to Pullman. And a baby five short months away.

I knew it wouldn't be easy. What's a girl to do?

A Timeless Baby Story

"The Strong One" by Clint Black

SO much to do!

The Engagement

I'm Obsessed With My Life

Target.

June, Two Thousand Ten.

Geez.

positive.

Pre-Op Physical Clearance

Marriage

Father's Day 2010

New Years Resolutions

true life: my boyfriend lives across the country

Seattle Appointment

A day in the life of a JERSEY CHASER.

daily update

Piece of Cake.

May, Two Thousand Ten.

Waves

Facts

On the UNmommyhood side of things...

Angiogram

7 Month Update

Relatively Normal Weekend

Not So Fun Update

Reasons to Love Being a Mom

Things that kinda suck.

an Ode to Mental Health

paper thin bagels.

One day at a time.

"I am a college student... I am a college student..."

Six months ago...

Love like Crazy

Adelyn's Very First Easter

A few minutes to spare!

OVER-productive?

"Hump Day" post

Adelyn is Earning her Keep :-)

My life.

Working with Child?

These are a few of my favorite things...

Get Well Soon

rockin and rollin

Pray for Daddy...

Laughin!

1, 2, 3 bee da bee da bee bee

weigh in, stress out.

sleep deprivation

Mmmbop

uh oh.

Hard at work :-)

*Insert evil laugh here*

Adelyn, Mittens, and mom

Skinny Momma

Whoa... ENERGY.

Sunday

Lazy.Fight.Strips.

Breathe...

Dear life, I need a break. Thanks.

bleh

with a grain of salt.

and a ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR

Harder

These are a few of my favorite things...

Yesterday's favorite things

New Years Resolutions

Spare time... Who knew?!

Delivery

Labor

Room at the Inn...

Predictions:

TMI Folks

Week 37 Doctor's Appt.

quick and dirty

circles

I Work Hard For The Money!

Baby Stuff

Back to School

maternity pics

Insert evil laugh here